Does this Darkness Have a Name?
by Scarlett xXx
Summary: Ronnie could be having the worst day of her life, but other people think otherwise. What you see truly isn't what you get with her! Expect to see R in a whole new light! Embark on her journey of love and friendship, will she reach her destination?
1. Anxious About Al

**Note from Scarlett: This is my first fanfic so I am so sorry if it's complete rubbish! This chapter is from Ronnie's POV, but I'm not sure it will be like this for other chapters! Please read and reviews are muchly appreiciated, I am always willing to learn from my mistakes so critisism is welcome! This is just a starting chapter, others will be longer. Sorry i've rambled, here you go! :) xoxo**

You know that feeling – the one you get when you wake up and you can't fathom out anything because your mind has meshed into one big blur of banging drums, and your throat feels like an active, intoxicating volcano? Well I had it so, so bad – the worst hangover in the history of _ever_!

I slipped out of bed; I couldn't even stand on my feet, and began to crawl to the bathroom before pouring my guts out into the toilet. How much had I had to drink?

"Ah, good morning sunshine! Or should I say afternoon?" Roxy laughed, clearly enjoying my dreadful appearance as I entered the lounge. Amy laughed along with her; I guess she's a mummy's girl – so much for the cool auntie.

"Urgh, what time is it?" I replied to her guffawing, with a very croaky, so unlike me voice. I made my way over to the sofa and stretched out, burying my head in Aunty Peggy's floral, alcohol-smelling cushions.

"Nearly time for dinner! Mmm...Just think Ron, Aunty Peg's special Sunday roast, oozing in gravy and veggies and meat!"

I swallowed back the sick and forcefully lifted my head to face the sister who knew how to piss me off extremely well. Roxy was playing with her baby, they looked so sweet; it was enough to make me regurgitate again. I caught a whiff of the 'scented' cushions again and it intrigued me. It definitely wasn't the smell of Peg's 'vintage' eau de toilette.

"Rox, what's the deal with them cushions?" I asked out of curiosity, and to make conversation to hide my deathly looks.

"What do you mean?" she replied, tilting her head slightly with Amy mirroring her. Again – so cute it was puke-worthy.

"The smell, it's weird and musty and – what?" Roxy was sniggering like that dog off Wacky Races – Dastardley or Mutley? Something like that anyway.

"Ron, Phil was as hammered as you last night; you are inhaling his insides, if you know what I mean!"

I think I turned green.

***

Just as Roxy had kindly reminded me an hour ago, Peggy had cooked a Sunday meal for the family, setting six places at the table. Six? There was me, Rox, Auntie Peg, Phil, Ben...Amy goes in her highchair...

I sat down at my place, looking slightly better after a cold shower and paracetamol. I looked across to my cousin Phil, who appeared to be in the same boat as me, although he had more experience at this.

I looked down at my plate and immediately felt ill. Food just wasn't the remedy for a hangover. I looked over to Phil's son Ben who smiled back at me, God I love that kid.

"Oh, look who's finally arrived!" Auntie Peggy said with a hint of frustration.

In came Rox with Amy and...Dr Al?

"Doctor Al?" I questioned, shocked that he was joining us for dinner.

All three sat down, Al giving us all an irresistible smile which Peggy instantly forgave.

_Sigh._ I wish I was as forgiving as her.

As we all ate our meal, small talk lingered over us, I contributed when necessary and laughed appropriately, infact I did a pretty damn good job at acting the part considering my state.

I really wasn't comfortable with Walford's Doc being there though. I had confided in him things that my family should never and will never know. I'd told him _some _of my deepest, darkest secrets, and I'd been visiting him twice a week for check-ups on my illness.

So him dating my sister made me worry and cringe and then worry some more. What if they were serious and he told her everything?

***

After apologising to Auntie Peg repeatedly for not eating her food I sat in the lounge with everyone else, cuddling up to Ben whilst we all watched little Amy playing with Roxy and Doctor Al. They looked so happy but I wasn't jealous. _I wasn't!_

I could feel my eyelids drooping to the floor so I called it a night and walked into my empty bedroom, alone. I lay in bed underneath my purple satin covers and tried to go to sleep. My body never behaves though and I was feeling anxious about Al. So I took some valium, which had no immediate effect.

Gah! I was becoming even more neurotic, I wrote a list of the things I had told Al and then tried visualising how the family would react:

_Things I have told the Doc by Veronica Elizabeth Mitchell_

_I am scared_

_I cry for my daughter every day_

_Alcohol is starting to become me_

_I am worthless_

_I am a burden to everyone_

_Being lonely is my life story_

_I no longer care for life_

_Eating is a chore_

_I miss Jack Branning_

_Having a baby would fill the hole in my heart_

I put my name engraved pen down as the medicine kicked in. Feeling drowsy, my body shut down and to my luck, a lifeless sleep was waiting ahead. Sweet drea- Good Night.

**How do ya like it? Thumbs up or down? Should I continue? Please R&R :) Love Scarlett xoxo**


	2. Dust

"Pills, old blusher, grievance cards, pens, paperwork, CD's, picture of me and Jack, more pills..." I gathered them all up from my draw and threw them into a black bin bag. Yes, summer was coming to an end as autumn was beginning to thrive in warm colours and countless scarves. I woke up one morning and saw leaves falling from the trees, which told me that a seasonal clearout was in order- away with the old stuff and make way for the new! I glanced down at the items I was about to throw away, my eyes immediately focusing on one particular thing; the photograph. I took it delicately from the bag, as if it was special. This belonged in one place with the rest of my keepsakes. It destined to sit in my prized draw along with my Danielle stuff, away, hidden – but never forgotten, under lock and key.

I browsed around my room; black bags cluttered the floor and piled on top of my bed ready for Phil to take them to the tip. I was happy to be getting rid of spring and summer stuff because those months have been the worst of my life, no question.

I smiled to myself; some retail therapy was calling.

***

The subtle cool breeze played in my hair as I strolled down my favourite street in London; Bond Street. It was expensive, classy, sophisticated yet colourful and it sent butterflies in my stomach as I thought about buying the luxurious clothes. I stopped outside Valentino starring at a stunning deep blue dress which cascaded down the mannequin like a magical waterfall. "I want that dress." I whispered to myself.

I walked into the shop, feeling very patronised by the women that were inside. They all looked so focused and together, not emotionally wild like me. I walked over to the dress I had fallen in love with and my mouth dropped as far as the floor; £25,600.

"Excuse me Madam, can I help you?" an assistant said in a posh Southern accent. Her nose was pointy and her dark hair was slicked back into a French twist. I was taller than her but she made me feel one thousand feet smaller.

"Um yes...This dress..."

"Is most likely to be out of _your _price range." Her voice was so annoying and if I wasn't so dignified I would have slapped her across her bony little impish face right there, right then.

I swallowed hard as I tried to keep my cool, I gave her a bitter-sweet smile and continued; "I am purchasing this dress, so get it off that model thing and take it to the counter so I can pay and get out of this over perfumed store." I laughed when I saw her face; it was what pictures are made of. The snooty cow deserved it though; no one makes a fool of me.

Seven hours later I had bought a whole new wardrobe of fabulous clothes and was taking the tube to Walford East Station. I had so many bags that they took up three seats, much to the dismay of tired passengers coming home from work.

The night was drawing nearer, the sky was a purpley, orangey haze and the market traders were packing up for the day. I was making my way down to the Vic however something didn't feel right. I stopped in my tracks and put down my numerous heavy bags, trying to figure out what was different.

Moments later I realised. Usually when I'm round and about Albert Square I get sympathetic looks or smiles and sometimes small talk asking how I am. I hadn't had any of that for the past week. Danielle was becoming a gossip of past season. I never liked it when people tried to sympathise, but now I felt as if I were fading into dust along with my daughter. "What's the point?" I asked myself. Tears were streaming down my face and no matter how hard I tried to fight back, I was weak. No one even stopped to stare. I was no one.

"Ronnie, are you okay?"

I looked up from the ground, smiling slightly that someone was even feigning care for me.

"Heather" I said, surprised that she was the person trying to help me. "I'm fine thanks." I picked up my shopping bags as I transformed into my Ice Queen status and began to walk off.

"Ronnie, I just saw you crying and I wanted to know..."

"Heather honestly don't waste your time on me darling, I'm not worth the hassle."

"Well, erm...there's a party tonight if you're interested, at Garry and Minty's. Your welcome to come and Jack will be there." I turned round to face her; she smiled at me then walked off in the opposite direction.

"What do you mean by that?" I shouted after her, but she turned the corner.

***

"Been shopping then?"

I nodded looking down at the bags on the floor of Doctor Al's surgery. "It was good, I felt...free. Almost like my old self."

"And you think that shopping has the answers?" He asked, studying my face.

"Shopping doesn't ask questions or date my sister. Anyway this is the last appointment I coming to."

The Doc shook his head, disapprovingly. He obviously didn't know that I never obey to people's commands. "Ronnie, you need my help, this illness won't go away otherwise and-"

"I don't feel comfortable confiding in you anymore _Al_. But you breathe a word of this to Roxy or any other god damn person and I swear I'll turn your sexy face into something your mother wouldn't even look at. Got it?" He flinched back a bit, but made no initiative of stopping me from walking out.

I walked over to my final destination, The Vic, but I felt horrible. That person I became in there – it was the person Danielle had feared so much; the person I was scared of.

I stepped through the front double doors of the pub because my shopping wouldn't fit through the back door. And there he was, standing in between my sister and Auntie Peg; the man who has made my life unbearable, who killed my precious daughter.

"And so I'm delighted to announce that Peggy has taken me back and is letting me move back in. Thank you darling and thank you Roxy, you always believed in me." He kissed the top of Roxy's head and basked in the spontaneous applaud filtering the air as his body coiled around Peggy, hands entwining, capturing her hostage, just like the snake in the grass he had always been.

The next few minutes were a blur, like the hangover I had had but much worse. All I could hear was clapping and all I could see were colours blending into one another. I felt dizzy. I felt nauseous. I felt vulnerable. The thud of my shopping bags drowned out the continuous applause and lapsed in my ears as the sacred walls I had started to rebuild came crashing down, crumbling into dust. I couldn't see anything; my eyes refused to believe that this was real.

And then I felt a warm hand gripping mine.


	3. How Many Ronnie's Are There?

**A/N: ****Hey guys thank you **_**so **_**much for your kind reviews; they really have made my day! I hope this chapter isn't too stale and boring, it was kinda hard writing some parts of this, so if it isn't good, please bear with me! Chapter 3; here you go! Xoxo **

My eyes stayed shut as the warmth of the person's hand spread through my body, as if it was providing me with life or at least telling me not to give up. I felt myself being dragged but I couldn't open my eyes because that would have made this mess real. I was guided to a chair then the warmth drained as that person let go as I cautiously sat down.

Everything was falling apart again, I'd never wished for death to pass along my build of flesh and blood so much. I craved to join my daughter; she was my hunger, my destiny and I knew she would be waiting for me.

3...2...1...

Nope, still here.

I finally gave up hope on seeing my daughter today and Jack Branning sat before my very eyes. I smiled through the tears cascading down my face and looked adoringly into his chocolaty brown eyes. After everything I've done why would he help me? We sat in silence for a bit as I tried to come to terms with everything. We sat in a quiet corner of the pub, away from Archibald and his loyal, stupid suspects and away from nosey neighbours, in particular Ian Beale who kept glancing towards us. He wasn't the only one though.

I placed my head into my hands and began to sob as I realised that no matter what I did or what _he _did, the man who I used to call 'daddy' would always win. And I would always loose. It was inevitable.

Now that Archie had claimed victory, I was forced to slowly wither away until I could hold my daughter for real and not in my cruel dreams which always ripped us apart sending me back to my cursed reality.

Jack held my arm and looked at me, trying to empathise, bless him, but no one knew the pain I was going through, the battle my fragile self had to face alone.

"Ronnie?" he whispered softly.

I took my face from my hands with the little will-power I had left and looked at him. In some ways Jack was another reminder that I had lost everyone I had ever loved.

"How about I take you upstairs and you try and get a bit of sleep, you look exhausted, and then we can deal with your dad."

I shook my head, tears relentlessly falling, the only part of me which never seized to give up. "I can't be near that man, I'm going to check into a B&B or stay at R&R for a while."

Jack took hold of my other arm so that my attention was focused on him; "No you're not, you're staying with me."

"But – no Jack I couldn't, I've messed up your life too much already."

"Ron, I would do _anything _for you, you must know that."

We had a little audience of people listening in on us now, but Jack never left his focus away from me. I bowed my head down and Jack leant over the table so that his forehead was touching mine, and then he whispered "let's go." And I followed him out of the pub, fighting off all the stares and Archie's remarks he was making to me. Jack picked up my shopping which was still at the entrance and we headed off to his flat.

***

I sat in Jack's bath amongst the warm water which stung and prickled on my cold skin. I reached over to my coat which hung on the door and pulled out my pen knife from the zipped pocket. I pulled the silver blade from its plastic coating and slid my finger along the plate of the knife. My eyes stung, my mind was going crazy and my body shook in fear of my fate. My hands followed the jostle of my body; I held the knife with both my hands and brought my elbows into my stomach to reduce the shaking. I looked at the knife and saw my life reflecting back, it was coming to an end, and I could feel it.

3...2...1...

Nope, still here.

I wanted my daughter so much; I craved her so intensifying that my main fear was 'what if I never die?' Stupid, I know. My desire was crucial and my target was death. The knife that I held in my very hands was key to Danielle, the key to my eternal happiness. I felt myself become so grateful to the shiny silver object; it was my friend, my _best _friend.

My lips touched the cool metal plate and soon enough was acquainted by my tongue which licked the silver and slowly began making its way to the blade. The edge pricked into my tongue and delved deeper as it ran up to the point at the end. My breathing became deeper in synchronisation with the fluctuating pain. Blood started to make its way down my chin, but it wasn't enough, this was just the beginning. I licked the blood from the knife so that it shone its original shiny silver.

"Ronnie?" Jack called from the other side of the door, making me fiercely jump. I had been so engrossed in making my best friend feel welcome that the outside world didn't exist.

"Mmhmm?" it was all I could manage to reply without him knowing I had been crying...or in the process of killing myself.

"Peggy and Roxy are here; don't worry though, no Archie."

I started sobbing again and my hands ripped off the knife which fell into the water. They were tearing me away from my friend, from Danny again.

It took a while but eventually the tears were coming to a temporary hault. I got out of the bath and avoided looking into the mirror – I couldn't face myself, not now. I was feeling ashamed of what I had just done. Danielle would have never done anything like that; she would fight and not give up. And the people that sat in the lounge; they all cared for me.

I got changed into some of the new clothes I had bought that day and sat on the side of the bath, watching the bloody water drain away, leaving nothing but the knife. I sighed, knowing that in a couple of hours my desire to be dead would come back and haunt me. But for now anger was taking over and Peggy and Roxy were in the mist of it. My anger was stronger than I was, so I followed it. My anger, my shield.

And besides which, who would want to die naked in a bath? Not me...

That's what the dress is for.

***

Silence lingered in the living room as Roxy, Jack and Peggy sat sipping tea. I stood in the door way and my eyes pierced Archie's followers like daggers. Oh yes, Ice Queen Ronnie was here, and this time I was unbreakable; thanks to anger, my _new _best friend.

**How was it? I hope Ronnie's sudden changes in emotions aren't too unrealistic :\ Thank you for reading and please review! Either the next chapter or the chapter after will have Bianca Jackson in it! **

**Love Scarlett xoxo **


	4. Jack

**A/N: ****Hey guys, thank you so, so much for your comments, I love reading them! I feel really ashamed of this chapter and I struggled with it quite a lot. I kept putting off writing it, so that's why there was a delay in update. I just want to write the later storyline which I have planned for this fic! So I am sorry for this chapter, I hope I haven't let you lot down too much. Here you go, chapter 4 :)**

"Hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmmmmmm." The click of my heels on the tarmac followed my forcefully tamed voice in simultaneous strikes as I turned a corner, making my way to the market.

Two red cars...One black car...A blue car to the side and a yellow one.

My eyes scanned the area.

Mo Harris...Chelsea Fox...Ricky Butcher with his sister Janine. _Janine?_

My heart skipped a few beats and I found myself running to a back street. I was sure she had been stalking me for the past couple of days. I wouldn't be surprised if Archie was behind it all. But he needn't bother because once my outfit was complete, so was my life.

I poked my head out and checked to see if there was any sign of her.

Coast was clear.

***

The Day before Yesterday

The awkward silence was becoming more and more intense with each second of anticipating Ronnie's entrance. I sat on the edge of the sofa, carefully sipping my tea, watching Peggy and Roxy mirror my actions. There was a huge lump in my throat, I was fearing the worst to become of Ronnie; to her the two people sat before me were traitors and just as bad as Archie. I was scared, and I wasn't the one in trouble.

My mind altered for what seemed like the thousandth time that evening. I had seen how vulnerable and exhausted Ronnie had looked; it was as if life was slowly draining from her once perfect body, leaving nothing but an unstable corpse behind. The Ronnie today wasn't the Ronnie I had known, but I still loved her nonetheless. And the fact that she was relying on me for help for the first time made me feel good, proud almost. But what if _I _wasn't strong enough for both of us though? What would become of her then?

My hands cupped around the hot mug I held when I saw Ronnie's body at the door. I shivered. Clearly she was here to rip them to shreds because without loyal followers, what was Archie?

Her eyes screamed into theirs and I saw them become afraid. I felt sorry for them, Ronnie's anger was something that I had been on the receiving end of and I never wanted to return.

For the next few minutes, which felt like hours on end, her yells flooded the room, I think her anger got the better of her and it was disgusting to watch: Ok, they had gone against her, but this was just ugly and I was just grateful no violence was intact.

I sat frozen solid and baffled as I continued to witness the bloody battle. Usually Ronnie would've been forcing them not to be lured in by Archie, but this time she was verbally torturing them calling them names, as if she wanted them to _hate _her. I may be male, but I did not understand that. She needed them right now. Or maybe she thought she would be ok because she had me? That worried me.

I worried myself, as Ronnie was agonising Roxy, I felt kinda..._protective _of her, not because I loved her though – no way! But because she was the mother of my child and if Roxy got hurt, so did Amy.

The Blitz showed no intention for a resolution that night but Peggy and Roxy knew a lost cause when they saw one. They said their goodbye's to her sounding very wounded and upset. They told her they would still be there for her no matter what – which I thought was very considerate. I showed them to the door, feeling slightly guilty that I never calmed Ronnie down.

"Look after her Jack." Said Peggy, her voice slightly croaky.

I nodded my head and watched them walk off in silence.

I cautiously walked back into the room, afraid of Ronnie's mood. She sat down on her knees in the middle of the room with her hands covering her face, obviously crying because her body shook.

Instantaneously I ran over to her – there was no more anger left, she'd used it all up.

I knelt beside her and put my arm round her as she settled into my body and grabbed my shirt. I wanted to say "Everything will be ok" or "Things will get better." But they seemed hopeless; I truly didn't believe things would be ok, although I wanted to.

All I could do was be there for her whilst her reservoir of tears which had been built up for the past twenty years came leaking through. Once they were gone, there would be nothing left of her. I cried with her.

We sat there all night, neither of us fell asleep or spoke and it was when the sunlight burst through the window that Ronnie's tears were invisible. I wiped her wet cheeks with my thumbs and looked into her eyes, desperately seeking some form of emotion.

"I love you Ronnie" I told her, my voice wet from the tears starting to form.

She screwed up her face, about to cry, but no such emotion slipped down her pasty face. I prayed that she would say it back, but I don't think she was strong enough to cope.

"I'm going to get you some paracetamol" I knew that they wouldn't be strong enough, but I had to do _something _to help other than just 'be there'. I reluctantly let go and made my way to the bathroom, turning my head constantly to check she was still breathing.

I walked into the small room and felt my heart sink to Australia as I stared at the shiny object in the tub amidst a small puddle of watery blood. My heart beat a million times faster and I tightened my eyes, wondering if what I saw was an illusion; I hadn't had any sleep after all.

With shaking hands I picked up the knife and inspected it. It was a pen knife, a razor sharp blade and red plastic coating.

But Ronnie would never cut herself, she was fine, she'd only been betrayed, it wasn't something you would kill yourself for was it?

That's when I realised that there was more to all of this. Was she dying? Was she ill? Stupid, stupid me, why didn't I realise sooner? What if I would've had to break into the bathroom to find her body, bloody and torn, lifeless from head to toe? I felt sick as my mind forced me to picture it.

I walked back into the lounge, holding the knife. Ronnie was in the exact same position, I wonder if she'd even blinked. I wondered what she was thinking about; if anything.

She saw me holding the knife and stood up, shakily. "It's not what you think Jack" I was almost glad to hear a hint of desperation in her voice.

"Ronnie, you've _got _to tell me what's going on. What is wrong, because I know this isn't just about Archie." I studied Ronnie's face; she was wondering where to begin.

"I...I don't want to tell you" she whispered, she sounded ashamed.

"Ronnie, whatever is going on I will be here for you. You're _never _going to lose me."

We remained quiet for a few seconds.

"Promise me you won't tell a soul."

I took her hand and looked into her absent eyes. "I Promise."

"Promise me you won't hate me." She squeaked like a little mouse.

"I promise."

**Thank you so much for reading, please review! Love Scarlett xoxo**


	5. Seeing The Light

**A/N: ****Hey guys! Hope you are all ok, hope you are feeling better x-xKirstyDx-x! Thank you all so much for your fantastic reviews! Hope this chapter is okay for yall! Chapter 5, here you go :)**

And so I sat down at the kitchen table, facing Jack. I could tell he was ready to listen and comfort me, but whether I was ready to tell or not was another story. I tried to keep my breathing at a steady pace; in then out, in then out. But as I searched for a starting point in my tale of torture, I lost balance and became shaky. I don't know why; I'm not usually nervous around Jack. Maybe it was because all was about to be revealed, and I was about to be seen as nothing more than a stupid desperate woman who had chosen a life of denial and depression.

"I'm scared" I admitted, whispering as if there were other people there, listening in. Or maybe I didn't want Danielle to hear me say that.

"Don't be, I'm here" Jack whispered back, his eyes trying to capture mine, but I was too ashamed to return my gaze.

I took one deep breath and finally began; "I have major depressive disorder" I looked up at Jack who seemed to be fighting back emotions, keeping strong for me. "I hate myself, I feel guilty all the time, nothing pleases me and I don't sleep or eat. I've lost a lot of weight, and frankly, I want to kill myself." A small part of me hoped I would feel some kind of relief for getting it all out into the open, but I wish I had never said anything because the look on Jack's face made me want to cry forever.

He took one of my hands and squeezed it, reassuring me that he was still there. "Why?" he was close to tears now and amazingly, so was I.

"I want to be with my daughter so much, I crave for her every single second. I have lost everyone I ever loved; Danielle, my family...you"

Jack shook his head and stood up, I flinched a little as he walked around the kitchen, brushing back his dark hair. He balled his fists up and slammed them on the kitchen counter, making me jump. I started to get up, I knew I should have kept quiet, I _knew _it! I was going to run away, go back to Ibiza, the only place on earth where my troubles almost dissipated from existence. I walked towards the door when Jack took my arm. I tried to shake it off but he was too strong for me.

"I knew I shouldn't have said anything"

"Ron, I'm sorry, I'm just angry at myself for not helping you sooner. But there is one thing" he took my other arm and looked into my eyes, he pulled me quite close, enough so that his whisper was like a normal tone. "Don't you dare think that you have lost me." He let go of my left arm and gently stroked my hair which subsided all of the angry tension in the room.

I nodded my head whilst familiar emotions started to flood back into my body. Emotions that wanted me to touch Jack's lips and stay there for as long as I lived. Desire burned for me to relax in his arms and for him to never let go. But I fought it. The time wasn't right.

"Ron" he whispered, moving both of his hands down my arms, electricity charging through the thickness of my veins from his touch, to the bare skin of my hands where he held them tightly making my heart rate increase. It was coming back to me - maybe to quick because I had to swallow hard, as if I had run for miles on end. "Tell me about the knife."

"I was going to kill myself" once again, I found myself trying to steady my breathing "and if it wasn't for my dignity of not wanting to be found naked, then I would've proceeded. I would be dead."

Immediately, Jack wrapped his arms around me and I clinged onto the back of his shirt. Worry surged through me; would I be able to cope when he let go? If I chose to be with Jack, would everything be better?

Jack let go and I nearly cried. I didn't want him to see how pathetic I was. A rush of adrenaline flowed through me and my lips were instantaneously locked with his. His passion over powered mine, after all, I was coming back from the dead. My heart was about to rip through my body, but I wanted more and more. Eventually, Jack broke away and we looked at each other, panting from the intensity of that kiss. The kiss which I would remember forever.

I had to save myself.

I ran to the door and fumbled about with the keys, my hands shaking delaying my exit. Jack stood behind me asking countless questions, but I was too unfocused to answer; all I knew was that I had to get out.

The door unlocked and I ran outside, taking Jack's keys with me, because on the ring was the key to his car. I started running towards it but Jack caught me. "Ronnie, what are you doing?" he asked, nearly shouting, but the worry outshone all of that anger.

"I can't ever loose you Jack! If I go now, then I never have to have my heart broken. If I lost you- I don't see me with a future as good as you Jack. You're too good for me."

I could see him loose strength, which signalled me to untangle myself. I sat in the driver's seat of the car and put the keys in the ignition. He knocked on the window, which I wound down. "I am saving you here Jack, and one day you will thank me for it"

I desperately turned the key, but the engine persistently cut off. Was this a sign? "Ron, I can see your future for you!" I began to close the window.

"RONNIE I LOVE YOU! DON'T LEAVE!"

I didn't look, but I could feel people's eyes on us, just as they had the other day in the pub.

Finally the engine roared and I pushed the accelerate pedal as hard as my fragile feet would let me.

That death defying screech occurred again. I tried to stop the car as quick as my reactions would let me, but Jack gave me no time- he had run out in front of the car. I had no time to stop. He wasn't hit as hard as Danielle.

Everything played in slow motion, Jack fell through the air slowly and my chilling screams revolved inside my ears. The next thing I knew, I was knelt beside Jack and I hoisted his body into my lap and held his head. The first thing I did was check his pulse rate. He was alive. Thank you, thank you, thank you God!

Everything was unbearably familiar, the car screech, the sound of Jack's body as it collided with the concrete, but only this time, I was in Janine's position. I was the murderer.

"GO AWAY! GO AWAY ALL OF YOU!"

"Jack...Jack can you hear me?" I shouted desperately. Waiting for a response was agonising, even more pressure was put on as the crowds accumulated, each person acting like an irritating fly, buzzing round in my ear.

Jack opened his eyes and smiled. _Smiled? _

"What are you playing at? Walking in front of my car like that!"

Jack continued to put on his ridiculous grin, which I secretly loved. "I believe it's _my _car. And I'm not having you leave me."

"You idiot! You did this to stop me?!"

Jack was almost laughing now. "It worked didn't it?"

I nodded my head, tears casually flowing down my face, laughing; "Yeah it did!"

And even though my illness wouldn't go away over night, I knew things were about to get better, I had hope.

**Crazy Jack! So it won't be all rosy and sweet straight away, but things are looking up for Ronnie for once! Please review, love Scarlett xoxo**


	6. Life Goes On

**A/N: ****Hey guys, thank you again for the amazing reviews! Hope you are all enjoying the weekend! Chapter 6, here you go! Xoxo **

My frequent heavy sigh droned out all of my entwining thoughts tangled in my mind as I saw the Square's 'loud-mouth' coming towards me.

"Look, Bianca, if you're here to have a pop at me for what I nearly did to Jack then you can come back later, or even better – never!" I turned away, about to head towards the Minute Mart when she spoke.

"No, er, actually I just wanted to see how he was...and how _you _were." Wow, she was actually being civilised for once. I turned round to face her.

"Oh, well he's getting better I suppose, the cuts and bruises are going away slowly, but at least he's home."

It was weird how different Bianca and I were, but for some reason we got along just fine. I remembered that night where just for once, it felt like I had a friend – someone I could laugh with.

"Pushed Ricky off a cliff yet?" I started laughing, but it was short lived when Bianca burst into tears, shaking her head of soft, ginger hair. I didn't know what to do – I couldn't even handle it when I cried, never mind someone who I barely knew.

"I'm sorry Ronnie" she cried, noticing my helpless expression "it's just Ricky isn't back yet, and I...I miss him – the kids miss him!"

I felt a rush of empathy to my head – I knew very well what it was like to miss someone. So I put my arm around her as we walked towards Arthur's Bench.

"Listen Sweetie-" I paused, remembering the last time I called someone that. That someone had been –

No, no, focus.

"Listen _sweetie,_ when Ricky comes back, you just tell him how you feel, and I know for a fact that he will drop on his knees and do anything for you."

Bianca wiped away her tears and smiled at me. "It's funny isn't it?"

My face was a question mark.

"It's funny how you don't realise how much you love someone until they have gone. And then it's too late, and you begin to wonder, where did that time go? Because, really, when was the last time you thought about _time_?"

_Every day_. "I can't remember."

We sat in silence for a bit, looking round at our surroundings. Despite Walford not being 'Paris', it was still beautiful. The way the sunlight burst through pockets in the unusual pure white clouds. The way that the trees rustled in the chilly, crisp autumn airs, rattling the auburn leaves on the tarmac where the people stood. And most of all the people of Albert Square – no one were a saint around here, but we all knew how to love, whether it was selfish or not.

"There's Tamwar, are you gonna marry him?" Bianca laughed as the adolescent child of Mrs Masood walked by, twitching nervously as per usual. I playfully slapped Bianca on the arm as we laughed in song with each other.

"He comes back today does Ricky."

"Oh yeah? Why aren't you getting ready then?"

"You really think he'll want me back?"

"Positive."

Bianca became all flustered and nervous. It was cute really – like a teenager. "Go!"

"Oh yeah! Thanks Ron, you're one in a million!"

"So I've been told."

I nodded my head smiling as I watched her leave. Who'd have thought it – Veronica and Bianca, friends?

I thought back to what Bianca had said about time; Can a second change someone's life? Can it be the decider between life and death? Is time on our side, or is it against us? And those who seek its black holes, is that committing a crime? Time; it's a four letter word which means so much yet people never think about it. Time is on my mind constantly, it was racing past me so quickly which made me think, I'll be with Danielle before I know it, and these years in the waiting room will seem like nothing compared to the eternal dimension I will enter when I should be so lucky to die.

I was so engrossed in my thoughts that I hadn't noticed someone was sat beside me, trying to communicate with me.

"Ron? Ronnie?" came the familiar voice. I turned my head round and jumped when I saw that it was Roxy. She smiled at me. And I wanted to forgive her; she was still my baby sister, my naive baby sister. But my pride was strong.

"Roxy." I replied with venom of ice.

"Ron, I really am sorry. I've tried to speak to you ever since that accident, but your phone has been switched off."

"Yeah, well I've been at the hospital all week; we only just got back yesterday."

I was about to get up and walk off, but my gut told me to stay. I didn't really trust myself but I stopped anyway and sat back down.

"Ron?" she asked, worried about me.

"Just tell me Rox, that you won't get sucked in by Archie's manipulative ways. Promise me you'll think for yourself and not let him take control?"

"Ronnie of course I promise. And you know what? I love dad but I can live without him! I love you so much more, and I hate us not talking."

I took Roxy's hand and kissed it softly. "I love you too, but some things don't happen overnight."

"Come to the Vic for a drink tonight? Jack can come too!" She asked hopefully, getting up from the bench.

"We'll see."

We both smiled at each other and went our separate ways.

Liars never win, and when Archie loses his throne, I will be there to pick up his loyal followers – what use to them am I if I'm dead?

***

I walked calmly into the flat, my tangled thoughts from earlier now untangled and it felt good. Right now I just wanted to snuggle up with Jack and call it a day.

I made my way into the small, modern lounge where Jack was sat on one of the comfy brown suede sofas, watching football, accompanied by some people.

How long had I been gone? This reminded me that I had not gone to the shop – oh well dinner can wait.

My eyes glanced around the room as I stood still in the doorway. I could see Garry and Minty on the sofa, either side of Jack, and on the two seater sofa sat Manda and Dawn. Huh. I screwed my eyes and put on a smile. "Hey."

They all peeled their eyes off our big flat screen TV and smiled back at me.

"Ron, where have you been? You've been gone ages!" Jack said, flinching as he turned his body to face me. I felt extremely guilty for his pain.

"Oh, I got caught up." I shrugged my shoulders, continuing to smile (even though my cheeks were in agony) "so what's going on here then?"

"I told you the other day I was inviting people over for a bit of a welcoming thing. Plus West-Ham is playing."

I searched my memory trying to recall when he had told me that, with no such luck. I must have been thinking about Danielle.

"Earth to Ronnie?" called Dawn, who was laughing alongside Manda.

"Huh?" I replied, returning to reality.

"Do-you-want-a-drink?" Dawn said slowly, in an almost mocking way, which annoyed me. I gave her a sickly-sweet smile and shook my head; besides which, it was my drink to offer anyway. I'd never really liked Dawn that much, and her sitting there on my sofa, making herself at home just reminded me that she used to clean toilets. _EW_. But Manda I liked.

Everybody turned their attention back to the TV whilst Dawn and Manda engrossed into a conversation. I stepped further into the lounge, feeling like an outsider. So I ran past the screen and went into the bedroom. Looking in the mirror I studied my tongue – the cut had heeled now. _Sigh_.

I sat on the king-sized bed and took a nibble from a digestive biscuit before laying my head down and cuddling one of the soft, feathery pillows, listening to the chatter next door. I swiftly slipped into a sound sleep where I took my daughter's hand and never let go. Her soft voice whispered into my ear and it was so gentle, like a lullaby;

"Promise me you'll survive. That you won't give up, no matter what happens, no matter how hopeless. If not for yourself; for me."

**Sorry this chapter was mainly speech, it is just a filler. It seems much more toned down from the other chapters. Hopefully it shows that Ronnie still has her 'dark' side :)**

**Sorry if the updates aren't as frequent, but I started my last year of high school on Thursday (argh)! Reviews are muchly appreciated! Oh yeah and sorry there's no RACK in this chapter but hopefully I've made up for that with 'B'. Love Scarlett xoxo**


	7. Old Flames Die Hard

**A/N: ****Hey guys! Argh – hectic week! LOL. Thank you so much for every single review – they all mean so much, honestly :) thanks to my usual reviewers who have reviewed every chapter, you know who you are :p Hmm...This is a bit of an odd chapter, tell me what you think, chapter 7, here you go!!!!**

The fresh sea air bounding and thrashing against my pasty skin was so refreshing and replenishing. It also brought back so many memories...so many _ancient _memories which my conscience begged me to let go of. For some reason I couldn't. I love those memories. I _hate _them. Memories of my da..._Archie_. Snake in the grass. Poison. Evil. Daddy.

My feet were sinking into the wet sand as I gazed upon a little girl with her dad, collecting sea shells, sharing sweet smiles of warmth and affection every now and then. The dad wrapped his arms around the little girl with long, golden, curly hair, and even though I didn't know them, I could tell he loved her more than anything else in the entire universe.

I must have been about four years old (before Roxy was born anyway) and Archie used to bring me here almost every weekend to this secret little secluded beach surrounded by big boulders, with delicate little pebbles and shells scattered around the shore. I used to have this big, red bucket which was nearly bigger than me, and we'd spend all day Saturday filling it – rain or shine! And I'd never felt happier. My mum never showed any interest in me, she looked at me as if I was a mistake, and even at four years old I felt rejected by her. But daddy made me feel better.

The father and daughter scene I was witnessing reminded me too much of me and dad. But I wasn't sickened by it. Infact I'd give anything just to be a four year old little girl and spend the Saturday with my daddy – the man who he was back then. It's so hard to contemplate that he used to be my hero. The one who saved me from the wicked witch that was my mother, the one who told off those naughty little boys for pushing me over in the playground.

Every Friday night was exactly like Christmas Eve – where you know you should sleep, but you just can't because you're way too excited! I used to get up at 5am Saturday morning and sit in the kitchen with dad, secretly sneaking as much ice cream as we could into our hungry mouths without mum finding out and freaking about us not being health fanatics like her.

The stools in our kitchen were really high for a titch like me so dad bought me this red little step thing and one day mum tripped – I laughed so hard I spat out my juice everywhere and I remember looking over to dad, expecting him to be laughing aswell, but he rushed over to her and rubbed her belly. That was when I realised he was lying to me – he didn't think she was a wicked witch! I locked myself in my pink fluffy bathroom and didn't come out until dad reminded me it was Saturday – _our day_.

We were sat on the sand with the warm summer breeze rustling my long blonde hair when he announced that I would soon have a little brother or sister in six months. _"Witches can't have babies daddy, they have cats instead – black scraggy ones with muck coloured eyes and dirt yellow fangs!"_

Dad just laughed and looked across to the biggest of the boulders, where a small woman usually stood, looking over us, but his face dropped when he realised she had disappeared. Although, it seemed like he kind of _expected _her not to be there, but just had to make sure.

Well he was never the same after that. Our weekly beach visits became sparse. Our connection grew weaker. Roxy came, and I was an outsider. I was four years old and I had learnt how to hide my emotions.

I ran away, trying to make my way to the beach. Obviously dad knew where I would've gone and he found me. We walked up to the beach for the final time (which I was unaware of). I asked him if we could get the bucket, but he simply crouched down to my level and looked me straight in eyes and said _"Vee; there are some people who belong in this world, like your sister, Roxy. Then there are others who just weren't meant to be. D'ya understand darling?" _

I remember looking at him; seeing a stranger through my stinging eyes. Then he whispered _"Crying is weakness, you'll learn." _I sniffed, and then followed behind him, turning back one last time to see our heaven. And until now, I never went back again.

"Are you here with your kid?" I heard the gentleman's kind voice shouting over the gust of heavy wind and rain.

"Erm no actually, she's gone." I replied back, trying hard not to break my voice. Luckily it was so cold tears had formed in each of our eyes.

"They all leave in the end I guess." He said sympathetically whilst stroking his daughter's hair, looking down at her, clearly scared about the future.

"Yeah well it's how and _when _they leave that's the problem." Crap – well hell, I'd scared him even more. He smiled and nodded at me before walking away so that I was left here alone.

I'd never been here alone – it was strange; like an old friend I had forgotten to keep in touch with.

I crawled out on my hands and knees, feeling the softness of the sand captivate my body – half swallowing it. I crawled out to the shallow depths of the cold salty sea and slowly stood up, allowing the water to swash over my new suede boots. I had no idea what I was doing but it felt right. Almost like some kind of weird ritual. I followed the airy voice inside of me and crouched down, cupping my hands with the clear water and washed it back onto my face. I felt clean renewed as if I was washing out the guilt from my body.

Huh.

***

"Oh Jesus Christ Ronnie! I've had the whole square out looking for you." Jack shouted out over the general chatter of the Queen Vic as I walked through the door. "Where the hell have you been?"

I stopped in the heart of the pub as Archie stood in front of me; eyeing me up and down, his eyes inspecting each little particle of sand that clung to my clothes and smelling the familiar odour of the salty sea which lingered in my wet hair. He knew.

"I know exactly where she's been." He said, not daring to redirect his focus away from me.

I gulped; I didn't want _anyone _to know I had been to my happy place – the one I shared with the man I loathed. Apparently Archie saw the vulnerable four year old that hadn't learnt how to act yet because his eyes softened. And for one tiny split second I wanted to hug him and call him daddy again. That was until I remembered how old I was. Our eyes turned back into the ice and venom that they had become accustomed to and he respectfully moved aside, allowing me to walk forwards.

"I'm sorry babe I don't know what came over me – I took a walk and fell and-"

Jack smiled, pressing his finger on my lips and wrapped his warm arms around my shivering body. I tilted my head up slightly and touched my lips against his. Within a few seconds he pulled back and stuck his tongue out "Eugh! Salty or what? Did you fall into the sea or something?"

I smiled slightly and turned a light shade of pink. He simply whispered that he didn't care and went back to where we left off. I looked into his eyes and caressed my nose over the tip of his, making his arms wrap tighter around me. "I love you Jack." I whispered.

"I love you too baby." He gently stroked my cheek and then placed little kisses on my neck. "Merry Christmas Eve-Eve!"

I laughed, burying my head into his chest, feeling happier than I had felt for a long time, with the man I loved. Merry Christmas Eve-Eve.

**Hey again! Thank you lovely's for reading! Please review?**

**I apologise – still not enough RACK in these chapters, I just can't write them :(**

**So here is the start of the new plot twist, any ideas? Feel free to comment!**

**Enjoy the weekend, I will update when I can – work experience next week yey! **

**Love you all, Scarlett xoxo**


	8. Merry Christmas Max, come in

**A/N: ****Hey guys! Hope you are all well! Sorry it's taking so long in between updates, but I am super busy now, plus I've had a serious case of writer's block :( This is just a weird little filler chapter, and is the first part of Xmas day. Chapter 8 here you go!**

So close I can almost see her.

So close I can almost recognise her.

On the beach, surrounded by sea, in the sand. I _know _her. The woman who never failed to watch over me and dad – I knew her, but who was she? I had to find out, I couldn't think about anything else. That woman was special to me, in a way that was only inevitable and I will never know who she was.

Dun dun.

Dun Dun.

My heart was racing as I watched the eight year old me pound my tiny feet against the radiating sand which moulded and burned in between my toes. My eyes were blinded by the heavy inconvenient sunlight, and the woman was blurred.

Just-a-few-more-steps.

A hand grabbed around my arm and I saw my tiny face flinch in pain. Of course it was dad. The little me was so blinded by love for him, that she couldn't see the manipulative character oozing in his snake-like, vicious eyes. I saw myself turn back round, desperate to see her, but she'd left.

***

My tired eyes opened to face the cold realisation of the day. Today was supposed to be special, after all, it was Christmas, but I felt far from festiveness. I turned round, hoping for Jack to hold my freezing body in his strong, warm arms, but all I woke up to was an empty space with a note placed on top.

Realising that the note before my very eyes could possibly destroy me, I lay my head back down and tried to calm my shaking body down. I knew everything was too good to be true.

Dun dun.

Dun dun.

I focus all of my determination, which seemed to have taken over me recently, and picked up the note containing Jack's scrawl.

_Dear Ron,_

_Merry Christmas darling, no need to panic, I've just gone over to the Vic to watch Amy 'open' her presents; after all, this is her first normal Christmas!_

_I will see you at lunch, please don't be late or Peggy will probably tear my ears off._

_Love you lots, Jack. XXXXXXX_

I didn't know how to react. I felt a bit of relief, but jealousy was becoming stronger, just as much as the anger. He should be here, with me. I needed him! Amy had Dr Al; she didn't need two dads for God's sake!

Well this was _great_! Alone on Christmas morning. I walked into the lounge, screwing up the note on the way before putting it into the bin where it belonged. My eyes gazed upon the beautiful glittery tree sat in the frosted window and sadness rushed through me. I couldn't remember putting it up, or buying it, or even seeing it before now. My mind had become over-whelmed by a new obsession – trying to uncover the identity of the strange-but-familiar woman, and it left little time to connect with reality.

I glanced upon the cards, resting on top of the fireplace, and found one from Bianca and the kids. I couldn't remember her giving it to me. So many things had been wiped out from my memory and it felt as though I was missing out on so much. I didn't like this obsession, it was taking too much control.

The relentless knocks on the door gladly distracted me from everything.

"Oh, merry Christmas Max, come in." I said to the almost bald younger sibling of Jack, who was holding out a card.

We settled into the lounge as I put the card on top of the TV. _I will remember this_. I reassured myself.

"I'm glad you're on your own...There's something I need to talk to you about." He said in his usual smug-Max tone.

We stood opposite each other, at either end of the coffee table capturing one another's stares. I was trying to fathom what he wanted whilst he was trying to fathom what I thought he wanted. We were very similar in that way...Liked to slightly torture our food before we ate it...

Minutes had passed, and neither of us said a word. I was determined that he would speak first and break the silence– I was not a loser.

"Me and Tan have just got back to normal...And I want to clear all the wrongs I did in the past."

I burrowed my eyebrows. We had come close for something to 'almost happen' once, but as far as me and Max go that was it.

"The gun Ronnie, you needed a gun last summer and I managed to get one."

I tried to stop my eyes from widening and my grin from becoming more apparent. It was like a child getting his favourite toy on the much-awaited Christmas morning. I had completely forgotten...I had intended to use it on Archie, but now there were more purposes.

Victim number one was obviously Archie (no explanation needed). Then there was the blonde bimbo of a cousin who had stolen Ricky from Bianca which made her victim number two. Victim number three, unfortunately, had to be Roxy; if she hadn't have had sex with Jack, then maybe I would be the one with a baby. Victim number four was Peggy – just for letting that horrible man destroy my life. And last, but certainly not least was Jack – of course I love him, and he is the best candidate for having a baby with, but it takes two to tango.

I cleared my throat, instantly regretting the list my over-active mind had just preserved. "Yeah, what about it?" I asked, hoping to sound casual "Well Tanya cannot know. You haven't told Jack about it have you?"

"No, why?"

"Oh thank God!" he breathed, seeming very relived which naturally triggered my untamed curiosity but he continued; "And you won't tell Tanya?"

I pretended to think about it, torturing his mind, but why was he so worried. Why _would _I tell her?

"Why would I tell her?"

"Ron...You're not really yourself...A bit of a loose cannon, if you get my drift. Half the Square thinks you're going bonkers and the other half are very concerned...I mean you staggered into the Vic the other day, wet and covered in sand..."

I tried to pretend I was listening, but the truth is I really didn't care. I could see his lips moving, but no sound escaped and no matter how hard I tried to turn up the volume, the remote had seized. Silence passed over us again before his motor mouth continued, this time I chose to hear.

"Jack's round at ours all the time with Tan and Roxy."

Maybe there was another victim to be added to the list. Max saw the hurt in my eyes I was trying not to show and decided to continue. "Oscar and Amy play together"

"Which explains why Roxy is there"

"Jack sees it as an opportunity to see his daughter without your outrageous cousin, and I don't mean Billy, giving him sexual looks."

Well, I never really saw that coming.

"But c'mon Ron, where did you think he spent his days?"

Huh. It never really registered that Jack was out all the time. I had never even wondered where he was. I just expected him to go, then return later on, maybe go out again and come home once more.

"I think you, me and Al are in the same boat funnily enough."

"What do you mean by that?"

Max laughed insecurely and took a seat. "Well we're always on the hanging line, constantly wondering if our partner's gonna hook up with someone else. I guess you have double the worry, there are two girls."

I nodded my head, pretending that that was what processed through my mind – it seemed less complicated than the truth. I stared down at my feet, and swore I could feel the burning sensation of the sand from the memory...

"He tells Roxy and Tanya about you, you know."

I looked up at Max, maybe he was stirring things up...

"He doesn't seem to think you're in tune with real life. Like you've got your head fixated in a whole other world where he feels insignificant. He thinks you need help..."

How dare he! _How dare he! _Why wasn't he confiding this in me?

"I'm fine." I replied, losing all tone in my automatic response. "I need to get ready if you don't mind."

Max nodded and sensed that he had said too much. With a nod and a wave he eventually left the flat, leaving me alone with this new information competing with the unhealthy obsession, whilst I was left to find out which was more important. I was at the risk of losing Jack to either Tanya or Roxy. But God help me, I was determined to find the true identity of that woman.

I took my time having a shower, with nothing going through my mind as my no emotion mask was present.

I stepped out into the thick blanket of snow and made my way over to the Vic, unsure of the events that might unfold.

**Sorry I'm losing touch with the description, but hopefully the next chapters will pick up as the new twist is slowly revealed. Does anyone have any ideas of what it could be?**

**Thank you so much for reading and I hope so much you are all enjoying this fic.**

**Please review :) Love Scarlett xoxo**


	9. Black Snow

**A/N: **** Hey guys! Thank you so much for sticking with this story, I love you all for it! Chapter 9, here you go!**

Crunch, crunch, crunch.

I took slow steps to the 'Mad House' listening intently to the sound my footsteps made when they connected with the almost-pure snow.

Every step I took, the word 'gun' played in my mind on a loop.

Gun, gun, gun.

Kill, kill, kill.

Archie, Archie, Archie.

But first, I needed to find that gun, and I had a feeling it lay within one of the rooms in my Aunty Peggy's pub.

With my breath held, I slowly pushed open the door and walked in, only to be over-whelmed with greetings. Everyone came over to me; hugged and kissed me, and all I could think about was the gun and the woman – _somehow _they seemed to be connected...

The downstairs was decorated beautifully in festive greens, glorious reds and whites which resembled the snow outside. The table was glittered with confetti and candles were placed along the center, giving off a warm, happy glow.

If I wasn't so deluded, I might have actually thought it looked lovely.

Everywhere I laid my eyes upon, illusions of guns and blurry women jumped up at me. It was like a horror movie, and I was the star victim of dreadful nightmares. I tried to ignore it and search for Jack.

"Ron? Ronnie?" my senses flooded back and I felt Phil shake me slightly. I looked up at him in shock – I could have sworn I saw little guns reflected in his dark eyes.

"What?" I replied, trying to keep my voice as steady as possible.

"Dinner is ready." He groaned.

I turned round and saw beyond the illusions; my family were sat around the table, all of them looking so happy and excited. But then I looked at Jack, he was much like me, pretending to be happy. He wasn't very good at it though, I could see the sadness radiate from him. Our last conversation had been two days ago, and it was only very brief when I had staggered back from the beach. Ever since then we hadn't really spoken, and if we had – I couldn't remember.

I took the only seat left at the table – in between Billy and Archie.

Maybe Archie knew who that woman was – he was always afraid I would see, or go up to her. And it was only now that I found it very suspicious. Perhaps I could get information out of him. Maybe I could talk him round, pretend to be his little girl again. Or maybe I could hold him at gun point, blackmail him, hold the magnificent killer right to his temple, load the bullets, get the information I desired then that fateful moment of revenge would come, where I had him at his mercy and he was under _my _control. Then I'd do it. I'd pull the trigger. Lap the blood draining out of him and laugh at how pathetic he looked, how weak. Then I'd pull the trigger once more, destroying his cold heart as he destroyed mine.

Gun. Kill. Archie.

I snapped out of my 'trance' and noticed my heart was racing, and I was breathing deeply. I took the glass of wine in front of me, ignoring everyone else's stares and drank it all in one, but it didn't quench my thirst. I was dehydrating from something much more than water.

Gun. Kill. Archie.

I noticed that Jack was sat next to Roxy, with Amy on her lap and Dr Al on the other side of her, who was studying me. Maybe the Doc needed to be shot, purely for his infuriating nosiness. And in one split moment, Jack and Roxy shared eye contact – the kind that was filled with love. The kind that wretched open my heart.

I looked across to the Doc, who had also noticed. I felt sorry for him – he was off the list.

Peggy was reminiscing about Grant, Sam and Phil when they were younger; this was a good opportunity to slip in the obsession...

After all; I had nothing to lose.

"Remember that beach you took me to when I was younger, _daddy_?" I said enthusiastically, attempting to hide my hatred towards the evil man.

He seemed happy that I had even acknowledged him for once. "Of course I do Vee, very much so"

"So you remember that woman?"

Instantly his eyes became vicious, as if he could pounce on me and they also glistened with the same fear from all those years ago. I took the moment to smile, almost laugh at him, because now I knew he knew, and the only way of getting the answer would be to put him at his bloody mercy.

I took my cutlery in my hands; knives seemed so insignificant now compared to the power of a gun. I pointed the knife at him – towards his jugular to be precise, almost in a threatening way, but my voice joked; "I take it you don't. Oh well...I'll find out...eventually."

I looked around the people at the table who sat in awkward silence, particularly Peggy, who looked down, pushing her food around her plate with a fork.

***

"She definitely knows something. And something about her has certainly changed." I listened intently to Archie, with my ear pressed against the kitchen door.

"Well, what are ya gonna do about it? She can't find out Archie! She just can't!" Peggy sounded desperate, her fear mirroring Archie's exactly. So Peggy was in on this.

"We shall see how things unfold, but for now, we go on as if this never happened, we carry on doing what we have been for thirty four years."

***

Everyone was gathered around in the lounge, watching the kids open presents. I was now desperate to know what part Peggy played in this...And she was easier to break than Archie.

Jack sat next to me on the comfy sofa. I felt my body tense up – I didn't want him to touch me when I was like this. I was afraid he would hate me for the thoughts racing through my mind. I tried to avoid looking into his irresistible eyes, in fear that I would see the same guns I saw in Phil.

Even though we sat centimetres apart, I had never felt so distant from him, or so disconnected. It's a good job I never gave up on 'Ice-Queen Ronnie' otherwise I would have cried, right there, right then. I missed him. It was as if he was giving up on me, slowly, but surely. Now I had to compete with Roxy and Tanya, and I was losing.

Roxy and Tanya were so much more than me; both incredibly beautiful, and both came with a ready-made family. Whereas I had nothing but money to my name. My appearance was gradually deteriorating, leaving dark circles tattooed underneath my eyes, my hair was a long wavy blonde mess and I had little flesh to cover my bones.

I carefully changed my seating position so that I was further away from Jack. I knew that he looked at me differently now...Everyone did. Everyone expected me to spontaneously burst out in madness and mentality any minute. They thought I was going insane.

But then again, seeing illusions of blurry women and guns wasn't normal.

"I would like to make a toast" Peggy began, standing up, looking like an elf next to the tall Archie. "To Sam and Ricky on their engagement, to Roxy and Al who have moved in together, to Jay and Billy who have started their new business, to Phil and Ben who are going back to Africa on a trip next summer, to Archie and I and to Jack for being a wonderful father to Amy."

Everyone raised their glasses in a warm toast except me. I couldn't help notice how I'd been conveniently left out.

"And I would like to add..." said Archie, happy that all of the attention was on him. "To _forgiveness_, to _letting go of the past_, to leading _normal, fulfilled lives_, and a toast for this beautiful Christmas Day, and what a jolly day it has been, Thank you everyone."

"Merry Christmas!" They all chanted in festive unison.

Archie began talking some more about how grateful he was to be given a second chance. God, he loved his voice.

My eyes scanned the room, looking for every possible gun-hiding place. Then it clicked – my old bedroom, underneath the lose floorboard, in front of the dresser. Yes!

"I'm going to the toilet." I said shakily, interrupting his speech.

***

I ran into what was now Sam and Ricky's room, my eyes focusing upon the floor board. I tried lifting it up, but it was sealed. DAMN IT!

I ripped off my pointy heels, scratching my foot as I unbuckled the catch and started bashing at the wood, each hammer weakening the joints. I was getting closer and closer...

Bash. Bash. Bash.

Gun. Kill. Archie.

The wood was beginning to break and I felt my heart race, each bash making my new desire draw nearer to me. I could almost taste the metal...

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?"

Petrified, I dropped the stiletto and gulped.

**Mental Ronnie eh? So what has Peggy got to do with everything? And how is the gun and blurry woman somehow connected?**

**Oh yeah, don't worry I'm **_**not **_**going down the whole Roxy/Jack story line, it's just something to trigger Ronnie's psychotic behaviour.**

**Thank so much for reading and for all your reviews! Please review this chapter!!**

**Love Scarlett xoxo**


	10. Is it your name?

**A/N: ****Hey guys, hope you are all enjoying this! Thank you so much for all your reviews :) This is just a quick chapter, which builds up to the ultimate reveal!**

I had been caught red-handed, but this didn't stop me. I took one last look at my family who were gathered at the door way, and one last look at the man, who after this, I knew would never love me again. "Don't come near me." I warned, in a tone which was unfamiliar and unorthodox. I slowly grasped hold of the shoe once more and raised it into the air before defying the incredible, overwhelming air-resistance and smashing right through the wood. The dust and wood splinters breezed across my face, mixing in with the sweat of hard-labour.

And then I saw it.

And my eyes grew wider and wider.

I'd found the treasure!

My hand snatched the gun before it could be stolen. Everything from the musty grey metal, to the carefully engraved marks made me smile manically and made me laugh hysterical insanity. I traced my trembling fingertips, inspecting every nook-and-cranny, and when they got to the trigger, my heart beat a million times faster.

"Who are you?" I heard Jack cry in shock, but mostly worry and fear.

I looked up at him, unsure of the answer. _Who was I?_

I didn't even know myself anymore. This delusional person wasn't me, but what I had become. My hands were those of a murderer, my mind was something of a terrorist and my eyes had been loaned from an evil source.

"I don't know" I replied with my trembling voice. I held the gun in my right hand and pointed it at the crowd of family stood in the doorway. "Lounge. Now." I commanded with a natural authority to my tone.

I could see in Archie's eyes he was jealous. I was in control, I was the dictator. And for once they acknowledged that I wasn't in my right mind, for once they didn't deny it and pretend to sweep it under the sofa.

We all walked into the room in an orderly line, I watched as they gathered round each other, but still facing me. There may have been more of them than me, but I was more powerful. Ha ha ha. Most of them were sobbing. Good. Maybe this wasn't just about finding out the truth. Maybe it wasn't just about me losing my mind. Maybe this was all for revenge, or maybe the genes I had inherited from Archie were finally starting to blossom through.

"Ronnie whatever you do please don't hurt Amy, Ben or Jay" Roxy pleaded.

"SHUT UP!" I screamed as loud as my voice box could muster. I shocked myself, but relished in the sheer impact of this newly found voice and the pumping adrenaline meandering through my veins. It was as if I was born to do this...

They all jumped simultaneously, mortified. I quickly grabbed the gun with my other shaking hand so that it wouldn't fall to the floor.

"All I need are answers. And it's quite simple" I spoke steadily, trying to sound calm. "Archie and Peggy give me the information I need, and no one dies tonight."

Archie and Peggy exchanged nervous glances whilst the others looked on; both confused and upset.

"Ronnie, you're ill, you need help. All the pain you're feeling inside could go away if you tried." Doctor Al reasoned. I shot an evil glance towards him which immediately put him in his place. I tried to keep my breathing steady, but it was so tense and so warm, I became aware of the beads of sweat sinfully streaming down my forehead from the hunt for the gun.

"I'm sorry Ron, for everything I've done...Come back home and we can talk, you can talk to me darling." Jack cried, desperately. "I love you."

In that one moment of time, I truly didn't believe that he loved me. How could anyone love a monster?

"YOU, YOU'RE JUST ANOTHER NAME ON THE LIST OF PEOPLE I WANT TO KILL!" I cleared my throat and made my voice become velvety, and luring, just like Archie could do, leaving Jack to break down by himself. "Who was that woman on the beach all those years ago, Archie?"

He held out his arms and stepped one step closer. "Look Vee, this doesn't matter, it won't solve-"

"NO! Now you tell me, or I will kill you." I said, moving closer to Archie so that the gun was pressed against his temple, and my other hand held his collar. I could hear his pulse pierce my ears which only made the fierce control I now had irresistible. I looked up and smiled dangerously as he realised he had no choice but to confess.

"It's complicated..." he whispered breathlessly, his rotten eyes resembling those of a weak, deteriorating man.

"I don't care." I sniped back, pushing the gun harder onto his head, until I could see him flinch in pain.

I could hear his heart pound out of his chest. "That woman was Peggy." He whispered, almost sobbing.

I let go of him, pushing him back slightly, and slowly backing away. He had answered the question, but so much more information had to be obtained. I looked at Peggy who was scared. Very scared. Her face was the replicated image of a frightened deer amidst the headlights of a speeding car. I could see Danielle in her face too.

I felt disgusted and sick, but not because of what I was doing that night. I had to face it eventually: The cold, hard truth was that I was losing touch with my daughter, that she was a distant memory, and that I rarely thought of her now. I couldn't even remember her voice. All I could hear were _my _chilling screams, the way _I _treated her so horribly.

I sank to the floor, in cannon with my withered heart, which sank even further, past the fiery depths of hell, beyond the molten, rock and magma, where it finally journeyed to the blazing core, melting and burning to a single particle of dust.

_Take my body and devour my soul. Take me hostage from this cruel world and relish my sinned flesh. Drink my blood for it is free. Just don't keep me here. With cold hands, a mindless mind and desire, may this gun grant my only wish? May it be so bold and release me? May it bring me eternal happiness? From the eerie night sky I plead. In this sacred time I bleed. For the past, present and future will you do me a favour? I am yours and will be forever. In the name of Bianca, Roxy and Jack, reconcile me. In the name of Danielle renew me. I lay here now red and blue. For this darkness surrounding me has a name._

_My name._

**I don't like this chapter lol; it makes me think **_**I'm **_**going psychotic! **

**Originally, the ending of this chapter was going to be the ending of the whole story, but I thought that this part here was Ronnie's 'darkest hour' lol.**

**Please review, even if you didn't like it, so that I can tone down the next chapter, or add more :)**

**Love Scarlett xoxo**


	11. Out Of the Darkness and Into the Bin

"_She will be okay won't she dad?"_

"_I hope so Roxanne, I really do."_

"_What if she never wakes up again...it's been a week?!"_

"_Well, Roxy, have you ever considered that she might have wanted to die? That this was her intention?"_

"_No...She wouldn't do that to me...or to Jack."_

"_She was willing to shoot us all sweetheart."_

"_Yeah, but that wasn't the real Ronnie..."_

_***_

"_Sometimes when I feel lonely I listen to music – but don't tell Dad. He already thinks that I'm a sissy. Sometimes I would look at you and see the same loneliness I feel, in your eyes. I used to say to myself 'go on, speak to her' but I guess I was afraid...of being rejected."_

"_Son, it's time to go."_

"_Okay dad. Get better soon. I need you here Ronnie."_

_***_

"_It's Max. Ron, how could you be so stupid?! I could get into serious trouble now!_

_Suppose it was my fault anyway...if I hadn't reminded you then maybe...maybe you wouldn't be here._

_But you're in so much trouble, more than you realise...there's __people __out there..."_

_***_

"_Please say you still love me Ronnie, please! Just give me a sign...Anything?! _

_It'll all be okay baby because you're going to get better here, and all the pain you feel inside will go away._

_You just need to let go of Danielle, stop trying to make everyone else remember her..._

_Because as long as you live she will be with you, in your heart...and that's enough for everyone else to see too."_

_***_

"_You've never has a clue have you? Not in the slightest. See Ronnie, I've been doing this for so much longer than you have. And it's even more painful for me because I do have a choice._

_You're staying here Ronnie until you can cope. But even when you know the truth – which you will – nothing is going to change. No matter how much we or you want it."_

_***_

_I could feel myself get colder, in my arms the life was turning into dust. And then I felt the weight being lifted, like her soul was floating in the air, towards her final destination. Her last word made me scream out in pain; because it was the first and last time she had and would ever call me 'mum'._

_I cried out my baby's name, sending chills around the area, on that misty, eerie night, where the only light was the orange glow, penetrating into the fog. The moon was no-where to be seen. _

_Then I heard an ambulance siren. The blare became louder and louder until it stopped next to the murderous blood red car. _

"_Ronnie, you've got to let her go now sweetie." Said Roxy, trying to be as calm as possible. _

_I couldn't let go, I'd just found her! She was my baby and she belonged with me and no one else. I tightened my grip around the lifeless body, desperately taking in her fading fruity smell, which hadn't yet been contaminated with bloody aromas._

"_Ronnie" this time it was Jack. I didn't look up to see him, but his presence took away a minute fraction of agony._

"_No" I shook my head sobbing, not once taking my eyes off my daughter._

_I could smell the men from the ambulance van crouch down beside me. One of them took her wrist to check her pulse, but I snatched it back from him._

"_Miss Mitchell, she is dead, we need to take her away." The ambulance driver reasoned with me, his voice sounding extremely patronising._

"_I can't!" I sobbed hysterically. My strength was slowly draining from me as my life was being sucked away by this tragedy._

_The men began to take her away from me, but I still never let go. I held onto her arm as they walked away with her. I didn't have the strength to stand up, so I practically crawled, ripping my dress on the concrete road; stones and a few shards of glass piercing into the thickness of my skin._

"_I love you Danielle!" I cried, pleading for her to hear me._

_Jack and Roxy grabbed either side of me and lifted me to my feet. I wailed as the van drove away, and I was left alone, childless once again._

***

Panting, I felt myself wake up from the nightmare. My hand swept across my forehead, wiping away sweat and tears.

"You always were prone to having nightmares, Vee." Archie whispered, stroking my arm. My eyes followed his hand, I felt frozen and trapped, I couldn't stop him...

"You died with her that night. Poor, poor dead Veronica. Poor, poor you." He purred passionate poison.

I couldn't reply. I wanted to, I wanted to scream for help at the top of my lungs, but I couldn't find my voice. It was like I had forgotten how to speak or move. The unfamiliar surroundings made me nervous. Everything was just so..._white _and _clean_. My eyes scattered the room, and I stared at the TV hanging on the spotless wall, blaring out loud music.

"Rehab is the best place for you, pet. Yeah...It'll do for now anyway."

My heart skipped several beats, whilst I frantically tried to hoist myself out and run out of this hell hole. Archie's cold sniggers fought against my might. He was so powerful and superior now...

"Yeah, you can't get up my darling, when you collapsed; the trigger of the 'holy' gun was fired at your leg. You've been in a coma for the past week Vee." His words pierced holes in my sensitive ears, nothing was really sinking in. My mind was racing at lightning speed.

I tossed and turned on the bed, desperately trying to escape this nightmare of reality showering upon me. Overwhelming forces courtesy of Archie Mitchell pushed back against me. He held me down and put his face next to mine. I could smell whisky emerging from his vinegar lips making me gag slightly. His hands grasped around my neck like vines and tightened, restricting the air hole in my throat.

"You listen here Veronica. If you ever pull a stunt like that again, shaking up the foundations of our family, I swear that Rehab will look like a patch of roses. And no I don't mean death. That's the cowards way out you pathetic freak. Our family pities you. We're not even scared."

His hands ripped from my neck, leaving red marks. With my eyes wide open I looked up at him – this wasn't how it was supposed to be! He should have been at my mercy! I began to be sick all over me and my bed whilst the cruel man looked through the end of his nose at me sneering.

"Even if you tell everyone about this encounter, no one will believe you! You're the crazy bat now Veronica, _own it_. Until later on Vee. 'Appy New Year."

And with that he turned on his heel and left, leaving a cool, sinful draft behind him. I looked up at the television and saw bright colourful fireworks dazzling the beautiful night sky with fluctuating colours and a vast array of light.

January 1st 2010.

***

I turned frostily on my heel and left the tragic mess of a daughter to wither for another night. All part of the plan, all part of the plan.

And I felt great. On top of the world. Indulging in gallons of ecstasy as the fireworks boomed in the glorious night sky, each bang pumping exciting adrenaline through my blood network. It was becoming official now that I was head of the family.

I'd always envied Veronica in the sense that whatever she did, whatever she wanted, she got. She could make people do things her way – even if she wasn't aware of it. But I was; I craved that kind of power.

But I have it now.

All mine!

How humiliating for her. And it's going to worse tomorrow when everyone visits her. She's got some major explaining to do...

That is if the loony hasn't driven herself to _another_ mental breakdown.

However; amidst all this suited one problem. Jack Branning. Even after Vee's 'breakdown' he still loves her more than anything. What an insane man. What a pathetic man.

If she didn't have Jack, I wonder what would happen...?

**Hey everyone! Hope you are all doing well and haven't given up on this fic (like I nearly did!). I had HEAPS of school work to do, and that's not an exaggeration! Plus I got lost in this story – writer's block :(**

**I am sorry this chapter isn't very good – but I thought to continue the setting, scene etc from the last chapter wouldn't work because the gap between when I last posted and now is massive, lol. **

**I still have lots of ideas for this story, and I **_**will **_**finish it!**

**Please, please review! Love Scarlett xoxo**


	12. I Go To Sleep

I just sat there, helpless on the itchy sheets covering the bed, surrounded in a sea of my own sick and its ghastly aromas which held nothing except past feelings and emotions with a pang of regret. I closed my eyes and saw a glimpse of Danielle, on the verge of death in my shaking arms. It was too painful to bear, each second destroying and ripping my heart further apart, if it was even possible.

I opened my eyes ever so slowly, and I felt my body shaking feebly. I had been in a coma for a week, yet I'd never felt so exhausted or drained. Moving just one finger was like running for miles on end. And I began to question whether I could keep on going.

I wasn't sure if I could taunt myself with the same nightmares again, they were now beyond my control, like wild beasts, untamed amongst a pocket of traumatised humans as they ripped, tore and commenced into a bloody battle. But I had only two choices; I could sit here and watch the night pass away slowly and monotonously, similar to those actions of a heartless robot, or I could go to sleep: I could go to sleep and be human.

_When I look up from my pillow  
I dream you are there with me  
Though you are far away  
I know you'll always be near to me_

I carefully rested my head down onto the stone cold pillows, ignoring the persistent agonising threats of sickness and the haunting faces of past illustrations. I knew what fate the night was about to endure on me, but I could handle it, couldn't I? I wasn't dead, I was still alive, alive and still breathing, with a mind which belonged to me. I closed my eyes and surprise filtered me, but I wasn't sad, quite the contrast actually. My body felt free and light like a feather, as if all guilt, pain and regret had been drained from my body, leaving the small amount of happiness I had left, which just about sufficed through the heavy network of body I still supported. I never wanted to wake up again, everything was just so perfect, altered and sewn to my requirements, every element of the world suited, except me, I wasn't a vision of perfection, but I could deal with that.

_I go to sleep  
And imagine that you're there with me  
I go to sleep  
And imagine that you're there with me  
_

Across a vast eternal field of pure white lilies and a crystal clear miniature pond, bursting full of life lay Danielle amongst the sinless flowers, standing out from the perfect picturesque scene, but only because her beauty was so radiant that words could not possibly compensate. The 'imaginary me' stood frozen solid, with a huge, once forgotten smile glowing upon my face as I gazed upon my daughter, who, I had a feeling was aware of my presence, even if her little features didn't show it.

_  
I look around me  
And feel you are ever so close to me  
Each tear that flows from my eye  
Brings back memories of you to me  
_

Even though we were separated by the flowers standing between us, I had never felt so connected to her before. It was as though we were two halves of a whole, finally conceding that truthful, un-traumatic reunion. But who was I kidding? I had always known we were one, even if it hadn't gone acknowledged. I slowly crouched down beside her, taking advantage of the fact that here, my leg wasn't in pain. My eyes fixated on Danielle as a smile crept up on her face, whilst she still gazed into the clear sea of bright blue, cloudless sky."I'm surprised" I breathed excitedly "that my mind has brought me here."

_I go to sleep  
And imagine that you're there with me  
I go to sleep  
And imagine that you're there with me_

_  
_"And I'm glad you chose to visit." She replied cheerfully, a characteristic I sadly never knew she possessed. I lay my head next to hers, effortlessly mirroring her body position with my own. The flowers were soft and obtained an aroma beyond the extra-ordinary, like a drug in the addictive sense, but so beautiful. "I didn't choose to come here" I admitted sadly, desperate not to upset her, but equally desperate to tell her the truth. "Subconsciously you did." Danielle replied, with a natural perk to her heavenly voice. I turned my head, wondering if I could grasp a glimpse into her ever so familiar eyes. "My baby knows big words!" I giggled, whilst tears of happiness gradually reached the tip of my pointy chin, before seeping down my long 'giraffe neck' (as Roxy used to call it). I had to swallow fifty times harder when she returned the gaze. Tears streamed down her soft features and we cried together for a while. Naturally, I took her small hand in mine and she held on tight, and in that moment, that perfect moment I realised life is worth living if these feelings are what come of it. Dreaming, unconscious, dead – I didn't care because I had never felt like this before and no matter how many superlatives I could mash together to describe this perfect scene; I had my daughter and she had me.

_  
I was wrong, I will cry  
I will love you till the day I die  
You were all, you alone and no one else  
You were meant for me_

"I'm sorry Danielle, for everything" I wept, feeling that this was the time to talk (I didn't know how long I had left with her) "If I'd have known...Me and you" I sobbed louder and harder this time. Danielle's warm hands brought my body closer to hers and I cuddled up to her. "Its okay, Sshhh, it's all going to be fine mum, I promise." She whispered into my ear, her breath feeling like a cool wave quenching the thirst of my skin, purifying it. "But this...it's just my imagination right?" I looked up to her, hoping that I was wrong. Danielle played with a smile on her lips for a bit, trying to think of the best possible answer for me. "It doesn't mean it's not real!" she laughed "Sometimes people like us, the dead, have special ways of telling our loved ones we love them, reassuring them we are in peace and encouraging them to let go." Danielle stroked my hair – I was very grateful that here it wasn't infested in sick. "You're ready mum, you're ready to let go."

I shook my head, pleading her to let me stay. We both sat up and Danielle took both of my hands and looked directly into my eyes, accompanied by a soft warm smile radiating from her face. "We were meant to be together mum, and we will be one day. I forgive you. I love you. Please have a happy life and let go."

_When morning comes again  
I have the loneliness you left me  
Each day drags by  
Until finally my time descends on me  
_

All of a sudden the crystal clean room came into vision as my perfect paradise was sucked into a heavy vortex, a black hole. Morning had arrived, and in all of its winter glory, lay a thick blanket of snow covering the hospital grounds, just about visible through the icy pane of window, beside the bed. I smiled to myself, reminiscing in what was the greatest moment of my life, but looking closer into the room sat my family. And Jack. Their eyes victimising me, making me feel so...

Stupid.

_  
I go to sleep  
And imagine that you're there with me  
I go to sleep  
And imagine that you're there with me_

I squeezed my eyes shut tight, in seek of the same field, and I found it, but Danielle was no-where in sight. I ran as fast as I could through the lilies, skipping over the little frogs and creatures dotted about the place. There was no end, there was no beginning, just the painful reminder of what was coming my way.

In the space of a second I stopped.

I stopped and let go.

I let go and opened my eyes.

I opened my eyes and I gulped.

_Song: 'I go to sleep' by Sia._

**A/N: Hello every one! It's half term so I'm very happy!!!! :D Thanks for reviewing and more importantly reading! **

**I don't know why I decided to do a song-fic style chapter, but I did! Lol. I've always loved this song, and I thought it fit in quite well.**

**I know that it may have seemed unrealistic, but I felt Ronnie needed a bit of weight lifted from her shoulders for now. Hopefully things will come together next chapter, I know I've gone slightly off tracks lol. **

**Please review, I would be so grateful!**

**Love Scarlett x **


	13. Only Daughter

William Shakespeare once wrote_; 'Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds. It is an ever fixed mark that looks on tempests and is never shaken. Love alters not with time's brief hours and weeks, but bears it out even to the edge of doom.'___

I don't have a way with words, never have and never will. But in times of crisis, similar to this, I borrow good ol' Shakespeare's words for reassurance, for a reminder that it is ok to love someone who hates you, that it is ok for me to still love Ronnie.

My eyes are fixated on her, just like everyone else's are; Peggy, Sam, Roxy, Archie, Phil, me. We are all here to see her, but the tricky thing is trying to figure out who is here to support her and who is here for a laugh. She shifts uneasily on the bed, trying to prop herself up, making as much noise as possible as she tries to penetrate into the awkward silence looming amidst the room. I desperately want to go up to her and give her a hug, I keep lurching forwards, almost out of the chair, but then flashbacks of that day dominate inside of me.

"_YOU, YOU'RE JUST ANOTHER NAME ON THE LIST OF PEOPLE I WANT TO KILL!_"

It still rings inside my ears. Before I go to sleep at night. When I wake up in the morning. Her piercing scream revolves in my ears. And no matter how hard I try and forget it, it won't cease.

Everyone here has something to say, but no one wants to start off. So I take advantage of the silence to take in her appearance. Her bandaged up leg is the first thing I notice...

_25__th__ December 2009_

"_That woman was Peggy." Archie whispered, almost sobbing._

_She let go of him, pushing him back slightly, before slowly backing away herself. He had answered the question, but so much more information had to be obtained. I saw Ronnie's manic eyes dart to Peggy's scared ones. No one spoke in the room – we didn't know what was going on, or where all this had erupted from._

_All colour and life drained from Ronnie's face. Her franticness and craziness subdued as she fell to the ground whilst her fragile finger pulled the trigger on her precious gun. It was hard to tell whether she had done it on purpose, but all I knew was that I had to save her._

"_CALL 999" I heard myself shout, making my way over to Ronnie, who was now surrounded by a pool of blood..._

Then I notice how tired and exhausted she looks; the deep purple bags tattooed underneath her eyes, the way her mouth can't quite smile at any of us, the way her hair is matted in her own sick. And then there is an aura about her, something I can't quite put my finger on. She seems happy. Maybe rehab really is having an effect on her, for the better...

_26__th__ December 2009_

"_She cannot go to that place! If you think she's crazy now, just imagine what that place will do to her!" I shouted, loud enough so that they at least considered my point._

"_I can understand what you're saying Jack, but really, we can't handle her!" Archie spat back. Urgh, I have never despised a man so much in my life!_

"_I agree with dad, Jack" Said Roxy sadly "I'm sorry."_

_I sighed, pushing my hair back furiously, surely out of anyone I knew what was best for her. "And what about you Peggy, you agree with this?" I asked her, a little too angrily._

"_Me? Why would you ask me? I don't know, I mean, it's not as if I'm important or anything!" Peggy rambled, getting flustered._

"_You're her aunt. Family. It matters." I reply back..._

Ronnie's starting to get anxious and nervous now with us all examining her every move. She bites her lip. "Well?" she asks, on the verge of tears. Again, I nearly leap up off my chair, but then a cough emerges from the person next to me. Guiltily, I stay put.

"Well what sweet?" coos Archie, as if he actually cares. If only I had enough courage to punch him to the floor, right now. I know for sure that Ronnie would welcome me with open arms. Ronnie looks as if she's about to be sick at the sound of his voice. Her eyes widen, showing off the dazzling ocean blueness I had dearly missed gazing into, whilst her bottom lip begins to quiver ever so slightly. I can tell she just wants to burst out crying, and it saddens me even more to know that from now on her 'Ice Queen' routine is back in tact once again.

"I am NOT your sweet!" she hisses at him as her eyes become slits. Sometimes the resemblance between the father and daughter are crystal clear – though I would never mention this to her (she probably _would_ kill me). "Why am I here?" she sighs "Do you all hate me so much?"

I shake my head, I couldn't imagine hating her. Roxy and Phil shake their heads too, but the other three remain still. She sits up a bit higher so that she can just about look down on us. "I bet" she laughs, "I bet you've managed to sweep this under the carpet pretty easily, right?"

This time it's Ronnie who watches our every move as we look around the room guiltily, avoiding eye contact with her. "Gone on holiday have I?" she questions. She has it spot on; this is exactly what we have told everyone, with the exception of Max, Ricky and Al. She laughs once more; exhausted and defeated she slouches back. "I never did get the truth." She squeaks.

Peggy looks up to Archie, who is still starring at Ronnie, cautioning her every move. Peggy's eyes spill everything – she looks terrified and nervous. Why though?

"Archie, please not yet, not like this!" she pleads to her husband, who remains solid. Peggy tugs on his suede jacket, forcing him to look at her.

"I'm sorry darling; it's not fair on poor Vee. We have to tell her." Archie whispers. Since when did he care about Ronnie? I stand up furiously, ready to give him an earful, but I slowly sit back down, feeling quite embarrassed as Ronnie raises an eyebrow at me. Timing has never been a strong point of mine...

"Archie!" Peggy begs once again. He slowly shakes his head and signals for her to stop. "Veronica, you must know that back then society was everything, one mistake and everyone hated you. There was no going back." Archie explains to the room, though I'm still confused.

Ronnie pushes back her fringe and sighs. "Right okay then. Except I don't care about that!" she shouts, making me jump.

"It is crucial you remember that though." Archie assures her calmly. He pauses for a while, gathering thoughts. Then his mouth opens and he speaks again. "Peggy and I" he smiles and takes hold of her hand "we've always been in love, ever since we set eyes on each other. Unfortunately I was with Glenda and Peg was with Eric."

"I had just given birth to Sam." Peggy breathes, slightly nervous. "I was all over the place; Eric was hitting me, Phil and Grant. Archie was so nice to me, he helped me so much." She continues.

I think I know where this is going, I'm praying to god I'm wrong. I gaze upon Ronnie, she's so beautiful. Her mouth opens slightly and her hands are brought to her face. She's catching on now.

"No...No" she cries, without the tears, shaking her head. Should I go over there and comfort her?

"Yes Ronnie. I'm your mother." Peggy sobs.

Ronnie's just sat there, in complete shock, just like I am. Then a scream comes from next to me as Sam falls to the floor, crying.

"NO! I'm your only daughter! Please mum, this can't be true! I'm your only princess!" Sam screeches. Peggy comforts her.

What. A. Drama queen.

Finally, I decide to go over to Ronnie. As she draws closer my heart begins beating a million times faster and my throat becomes as dry as the Sahara desert. Her head tilts up to look at me; her eyes are swimming in floods of tears and rejection. Nervously, I take her hand and lightly kiss it. She doesn't back off, she doesn't hate me! Inevitably, tears spill onto her cheeks. She slips her hand from mine and tightly wraps her arms around my waist, clinging on to the back of my shirt. Butterflies swarm in my stomach, twisting and turning it. In spite of things, I feel happy she still needs me and hopefully still loves me. I wrap my arms around her and kiss the top of her head. "Everything will be ok Ron" I whisper to her "I love you."

Waiting for her to say those three words back is torturous, she can't quite sat them back. "I'm going to get you out of here as soon as possible." I reassure her.

She pulls back and looks into my eyes. She smiles, but it doesn't reach her eyes. "Really?" she questions hopefully.

"Really."

I wonder what's going on in her head right now. Finding out her auntie is infact her mother, and has never bothered to tell her. If I was Ronnie, I'd be shouting at Peggy right now. I guess that's what Ronnie wants to do, but everyone, par me, are all fussing over a broken down, spoilt Sam.

I wonder how Roxy is feeling, knowing that Ronnie is only her half sister.

"I think, Peggy, you've got some explaining to do." I call out to her, above the hysterical crying from Sam.

Ronnie looks at me gratefully whilst Phil adds "Yeah mum. We want answers."

Peggy looks up from her precious Sam and gives Phil and I equally vicious looks. She's just as poisonous as Archie, I reckon.

***

It all makes sense now. It's the reason why me and Grant got beaten up by dad. It's the reason mum went off for months, missing the football games I had trained for hours on end, just to impress her.

Ronnie as a sister...Doesn't really change much; we've always been there for each other anyway. Its mum I have the problem with.

"Actually, I've got to go." I inform them as I leave. "And grow up Sam!"

Not everyone knows the truth.

Yet.

***

"Right" I gulp, looking nervously towards my newly found mother "tell me everything...mum."

Peggy's eyes shoot a disgusted snare in my direction making me grip on tighter to Jack's strong hand.

"First thing, don't _ever _call me that." She spits warily.

**A/N: Where's Philip off to I wonder...?**

**Sorry if this seems rushed, but I want to get as much posted as I can cause when I go back to school on Monday, the next few weeks will be chaos and, literally, I will have no spare time :(**

**So, Peggy is Ronnie's mother...all will be explained next chapter :)**

**Hope it was ok from mostly Jack's POV btw, and did anyone notice the tense change? Lol **

**Thank you for reading & sticking with this story, it's good to know that some people appreciate what I write, so I'm sorry if sometimes the chapters aren't up to a good standard. (As you can probably tell I am so self conscious about my writing lol)**

**Sorry for rambling lol I could go on for a page! Please review, love Scarlett x**

**(now you can all breathe!)**


	14. Peggy's Story

**A/N: Hey guys, thank you so much for reading and your reviews are all fabulous! I understand that this may not be everyone's 'cup of tea' but I thought it would be interesting this way! I've tried to get all the accurate dates and ages, however I have made Archie older than Peggy in this. Sorry for the length of this – I got carried away LOL. **

_April 16__th__ 1960 _

_(Peggy is 19, Archie is 23)_

_My youthful finger traced the perfect outline which obtained the most handsome man I had ever met. Amongst the sepia tone, his lush, dark waves stood out, beautiful but yet untamed, hiding a sense of enticing mystery, almost as deep as the sea floundering behind him. It was his wide, expressive eyes that made my heart toasty and warm though. I couldn't count the number of times I had gazed into them and found the most natural, if not slightly hazardous thing on earth. Love. _

"_Peggy, this just came through the door." My boyfriend Eric declared, walking into my study in the luxury depths underneath the grand, inherited house upon Carnaby Street. His muscles were tense as his temper was blatantly rising. I flinched back as if he was about to smack me, but instead he threw the letter onto my ebony desk. "All these letters from Pat are getting on my nerves. You do know you can use the telephone!" he spat, flustering his hands in the air._

_I bit back my lip, trying to prevent my eyes from leaking. Once his footsteps were out of audio, I picked up the letter and held it to my heart, breathing in the familiar smell hiding between the creases of the paper. I had been expecting this for a while now._

'_Dearest Peggy, _

_Our 'place' at 8:15 tonight. _

_Can't wait. Love you, and miss you._

_Forever yours,_

_Balding Arch X'_

_Butterflies flew and swirled, pounding my stomach, making my head feel light and exhilarating as I scanned every letter, imagining his smooth, enchanting voice as I read it. My favourite part of it was the 'I love you'. Eric never said that to me. All he did was hurl money at me to go down Bond Street, but what was money when you had something more powerful, which doted on you? _

_I told Eric the usual lie about me and Pat visiting Sal in the Midlands again, he buys it like a sucker each time, although words have never meant much to him. He's all about the action._

_I stepped outside and was greeted by a fresh spring breeze. It was half past seven and still light outside, on this particular evening, it was dry whilst the sun began to set in the west. I got into the noir leather seats of my newly purchased rose red mini and drove off to our 'place'._

_As my little car swerved through the meandering roads which escorted to the subliminal estuary in Brighton, my mind became divided. Naturally the pros and cons of this love and lust affair were chalked in my brain. The sheer thrill of it all though. The invincible feeling._

_I parked up against the sea barrier and made my way down the stony steps leading to the camel sands, infested with unique sea shells. I took off my beige sandals and skipped towards the two huge boulders, unattractive to the unknowing eye, but to me it was the archway to my dreams._

_The sand flicked up as I danced towards my love. I peered around the boulder, and there on the secluded sands lay Archie Mitchell, a fine gentleman. I composed myself and steadily walked towards him. What I really wanted to do was squeeze him and pound him to the floor, but that was my overactive imagination playing._

_He stood up and lifted me off my feet. "Peggy Mitchell, I've been waiting for you, bird!" he laughed carelessly. He returned me to earth and softly kissed my lips. How could this man be related to Eric? _

_It was all so romantic, like something from a Hollywood film, or movie as they say. He had set up a small picnic accompanied by vintage wine his mother used to make when they lived on a vine yard in France._

"_Leave him Peggy. Leave Eric and be with me."_

_I looked at him startled. What would my parents say? What would the nosey neighbours of posh Carnaby Street say? And more to the point, what would Eric __**do**__?_

"_I know it's hard to forget your first love, but I want you for myself." He whispered after minutes of silence._

_I understood him completely. This secrecy and sneaking round was eventually going to be uncovered. All I really wanted was to exclaim 'I am in love with Archie Mitchell!' but I couldn't. Not yet._

"_I can't...Not yet anyway. I'm sorry." I sadly spoke, avoiding his puppy dog expression._

"_We could leave in the morning. Go to somewhere far away and no one will ever be able to stop us."_

_He caressed my cheek with his long fingers and I nodded. Time for a new start._

_We agreed to meet at the airport at 4am, to a destination which was of yet a mystery. I was excited, nervous and a fool in love, I didn't know what the consequences would be, but I knew that for once in my life, I had to take a risk._

_I carefully packed an overnight bag whilst Eric was in a deep sleep; clothes went into the bag, makeup, toiletries-_

_It struck me like lightening._

_I had been experiencing morning sickness all week, I had a glow about me and I was late._

_***_

_31__st__ October 1964_

_(Peggy is 23)_

"_Oh Eric, calm Phil down will ya? He's upsetting Grant!" I exclaimed through the horrendous screams of a crying baby and silly antics of a four year old boy. Eric came in and dragged Phil out by his Frankenstein costume colour, no doubt he hit him._

_I took Grant into my study and sat in my velvet chair, cradling the settled baby in my exhausted arms. When times got difficult, I took out my photo album, located in the bottom draw of the desk, under lock and key._

"_Look Grant, he should've been your daddy." I whispered gently, as Archie's face appeared on every photo, be it colour or sepia or even black and white. I despised and loathed myself for getting pregnant with Eric. Archie always wanted children with me._

_I remember that phone call to deliver the life changing news of a baby growing inside me. I remember how Archie told me not to come. I remember how hurt and torn he had seemed. _

_If things had been different, I wonder where I would be..._

_***_

_7__th__ October 1973_

_(Peggy is 32, Archie is 36)_

_I got dressed in a mournful black suit, followed by a matching hat and scarf. It was definitely a dreary Autumn, actually it was more like Winter. I glanced over to mine and Eric's king-sized bed and saw the elegant tuxedo cautiously placed on top. Eric's father had passed away, and today was his funeral, bless the man. _

_Phil was twelve years old now, he loved his granddad, they used to thrive about football, they were almost like father and son. I debated about him going to the travesty of an occasion, but he pleaded with me, and I gave in. He had his granddad's eyes._

_Grant on the other hand __**was **__too young and besides which, he couldn't keep still for more than five minutes._

_We finally got into Eric's new Mercedes and drove off to the church, located in the petite village of Seplice, where Albert used to live. The whole journey there was torturous; there was Phil who was struggling back to hold his tears, Eric who was as cold as stone and me, eagerly anticipating the reunion of myself and Archie. Apparently he got married whilst on holiday. _

_After the service, Pat took Phil back to her house, whilst Eric and I stayed for the wake. "Archie." Eric snapped at his elder brother, who towered over him._

"_Eric, long time no see. This is my beautiful wife Glenda." He chirped cheerfully._

_I hated seeing him happy and in love with another woman. It wrenched my heart apart. I shyly smiled at Glenda, whilst Archie suggested Eric took Glenda over to the bar for a drink._

"_Follow me." He whispered in m ear, inevitably awakening the dormant butterflies, lodged in my stomach, awaiting Archie's return. I obeyed immediately. We went into his expensive hotel room and sat down on the suede sofas._

"_This is nice." I said nervously. All I could think about was how I'd abandoned him right before our escape. Archie knelt in front of me – I thought he was going to propose!_

"_I still love you Archie." I smiled, entranced by his even darker eyes. _

"_Peggy" he sighed, "You will always be the love of my life, but we've both got other people now. And you have two adorable children."_

_I thought for a moment. "One final good-bye?"_

_Archie smiled as though he was thinking exactly the same thing._

_***_

_1__st__ January 1974, 00:05_

_(Peggy is 33)_

"_You're pregnant." Eric spat, accusingly. I nodded my head praying that an argument wouldn't ensue, waking up the kids._

"_I told you we had to wait for more because business is chaotic at the minute. We haven't had sex. HOW THE HELL ARE YOU PREGNANT?"_

_I sobbed amongst the fireworks which were booming from central London, celebrating the New Year. "Archie" I squeaked "I love Archie."_

_Eric raised his hand and thrashed it against my cheek with a force so hard, it could've smashed a brick wall._

"_Get rid of it!" He yelled, squeezing my arm, cutting his nails into my skin._

"_I can't, she's due in six months." I cried. Eric sat down on the kitchen stool, contemplating everything, figuring everything out like maths problem._

"_You have this thing then. We force it upon my dear brother and we tell everyone that you have had a miscarriage."_

_I shook my head, I loved this baby more than anything in the world, because she was made with true love, not the artificial type._

"_YOU DO IT, OR I'LL MAKE SURE THOSE BOYS WON'T HAVE A MUM!"_

_***_

_5__th__ January 1974_

_(Peggy is 33, Archie is 37)_

_My shaking hands dialled Archie's number, which I knew off by heart. I poured out all the news and he was bewildered, happy, and anxious. He agreed to look after his daughter, and Glenda agreed too. She was be trodden about his betrayal, but delighted that she could have a daughter, seeing as how the Lord chose not to bless her with the natural ability._

_A tiny fraction of relief was lifted, and the pregnant months began to fly away too quickly. The next time I would see Archie would also be the last, Eric made sure Archie would never interfere in our lives again. And that's how I steadily began to hate this life growing inside me, if it wasn't for her, no doubt Archie and I would've picked up on our affair._

_Eric has me followed around everywhere I go. I have curfews, restrictions. I was under surveillance 24/7._

_***_

_7__th__ July 1974_

_(Peggy is 33, Archie is 38, Ronnie is 2 hours old)_

_Behind the hospital room window, Eric and his eagle eyes 'big brothered' over me and Archie as we shared our last moment together, with our child, as if we were a happy family. She was incredibly beautiful, but still, I had grown to know her as the division and concluder of mine and Archie's relationship._

"_I'll take good care of her, so will Glenda." Archie assured me._

"_Remember me Archie Mitchell." I handed over the girl to her daddy and took in his appearance one last time before turning on my side and drifting off to sleep._

_***_

_25__th__ December 1977_

_(Peggy is 36, Archie is 41, Ronnie is 3)_

_How I managed to let go of Archie' I'll never know. I guess time really is the best healer. I did miss him though, and my daughter. Eric was investing in one of Archie's businesses, and so had invited their family over for Christmas this year._

_I greeted them at the door and nearly cried when I saw how much my tiny baby had grown up. But my eyes were immediately directed towards Glenda._

"_Glenda, you're...Well you're..."_

"_Pregnant." She laughed "It's a miracle; the doctors said I would never be able to conceive naturally!"_

_I took her coat along with Archie's and Ronnie's little fleecy jacket upstairs. I sinfully pressed my nose against Ronnie's coat and breathed in her young, fruity scent. I got the same feeling as I did whenever my other baby girl Sam's clothes brush past me. Samantha was my only daughter now._

_A little while after dinner, we sat and had coffee, Archie helped me prepare it._

"_Glenda's not really taking to Veronica, I hope she will be better with her own kid." Archie told me, whilst adding milk to an espresso mug._

"_Ronnie is Glenda's own. I'm sure things will sort themselves out." I replied._

"_We told her yesterday about her new sibling. She ran off to the beach." He sadly recollected._

_I gulped. _

"_Yes, I have seen you watching us at the beach." Archie smiled. "It's nice to know you're there."_

_I blushed a little and carried the tray of steaming mugs into the sitting room, almost instantaneously, Eric and Archie delved into a business conversation, whilst Glenda and I spoke about children._

_I looked across to the children. Grant was trying to get a two year old Sam to walk, whilst Phil read to Ronnie, his 'cousin'._

_***_

_25th December 1995_

_(Peggy is 54, Archie is 59, Ronnie is 21)_

"_I HATE YOU!" Ronnie screamed at her parents, well, at her father and step mother. I hated seeing the way she portrayed so much malice to the man I used to dote upon. She should be grateful that at least one of her parents wanted her, or rather, were forced upon raising her._

_I followed her stomps into the roasting kitchen, in attempt to make her feel guilty. "You are being selfish. You're parents love you and want the best for you."_

"_Want the __**best **__for me?!" she screamed, causing me to flinch "THEY TOOK AWAY THE MOST PRECIOUS THING IN MY LIFE!"_

_I didn't understand what she was saying, but I presumed that she meant Archie was driving Glenda away, because they were about to finally finalize their divorce: Today._

"_You shouldn't shout like that misses!" I scolded her._

"_What are you, my mother?" she hissed._

_My heart sank, I was her mother, I really was._

"_C'mon sis. Let's go" Roxy, her sister softly said. Ronnie smiled at her sister, who she believed was her full sibling. _

_In that moment, I made it my priority that Ronnie never found out the truth._

_***_

Peggy nodded her head and shifted her eyes, signalling the end of the story.

I'd forgotten how to speak, and everyone in the room was in complete silence. Jack squeezed my hand and looked on at Peggy, who was sat holding Archie's old wrinkled hands in shame.

_Ring ring...Ring ring..._

"Oh sorry" Jack said, taking his phone from his trouser pocket. "It's Selina..."

I rolled my eyes as he left the room, answering the call, obviously doing anything to escape the dreadful peace.

"Say something Ronnie" Peggy pleaded. I shrugged my shoulders. What was left to say? Here we were stuck at a cross road. One way lead to forgiveness, the other on the road to forgetting and the final route journeyed darkness and ice.

"I've got to go!" Jack burst into the room, grabbing his jacket. "Penny's in hospital!" he gave me a quick kiss and rushed out before anyone could ask questions.

"At least he gave me a better goodbye than you."

**I should've split this into two parts, right? **

**Ahh well, I just wanted to get it out of the way for the next plot :)**

**Please REVIEW!!!!**

**Love Scarlett x**

**P.S. I know this chapter is quite vague and jumpy, but it is Peggy as she is reminiscing! **


	15. Say Who?

_Which came first, _

_Was it the hen or the egg? _

_Thus answer me that, I plead and beg. _

_Were you present at the dawn of time? _

_Sea urchins, reptiles and crustations divine? _

_Healer are you? _

_Or be thy killer? _

_I see you now become stiller and stiller..._

Unsteadily, I hopped out of the flat like a demented rabbit on crutches, whilst fiddling about with the numerous keys on the ever growing keychain. Leaning on one of the crutches, I turned the correct key in the lock until the fateful catch clicked. It was just simple actions like this which I had missed. I sighed contently and put my keys into my vibrant purple jacket, no matter how I was feeling, this coat never seized in showing me a glimpse of brightness. My flat plimsoll clapped with the ground in cannon with my life supporters as I heavily breathed in, seeking a replenishing fresh air feeling. Instead I found myself coughing in car fumes, which diffused into my lungs.

"You alright Ron?" asked a strangely familiar middle aged, balding man. He had stopped in his tracks and patted me on the back in attempt to seize the rather embarrassing spluttering.

Once my throat had cleansed itself, I looked up at the man. Something about him triggered an annoying nerve in my brain; it was like getting blood out of stone. I gazed up at him for any clue of recognition. "Do you know me?" I asked, confused.

The ginger man raised his eyebrow at me like I was crazy. "Of course I do. I'm Jack's brother, or have you forgotten him too?" he laughed.

I took offence to this whilst desperately hoping for my brain to catch on. I rattled my memory, but he must have been wiped clear. "I'm sorry -"

"Max." He offered, his expression now evolving into concern.

"I'm sorry Max, I...I don't remember you" I looked down at my handicapped leg "skiing accident...coma." I lied. He nodded his head and said he would catch up with me later. I hobbled on, half worried; half thinking maybe it wasn't the time to return home yet.

I stared into the ominous space Max had just vacated. I had been sure that this craziness was over. "Must have been the morphine." I told myself.

Taking a step forward, just so that my foot lined the circumference of a slate of ice grazing a puddle, my eyes shifted between buildings and people. They were frantic to uncover where I belonged in this square. No matter how hard I tried, the reality of it was that I had no place, no place without Jack.

I let my crutches carry me unknowingly around the square, freeing my mind into an abdominal wondrous state. I tried to remember the last time I was here and not raging off the lunatic scale. It was sad to be compelled with no further recollection, it seemed as though I was missing a small yet significant chunk of my life.

A musty smell of surging builder's sweat and chip fat clung uninvited to the insides of my nose, throwing me back into reality. The back streets of Walford were unruly, ugly and verging on sheer repulsiveness. Nonetheless I hobbled on the uneven road, which dignified no path and glanced up at the tightly packed buildings. What would Jack say if he knew I was _here_?

"I am the avenging angel!" ignited a heavy voice emerging from the untidy corner. I quietly made my way closer, trying to keep myself out of sight and invisible.

"I WAS YOU!" blasted another man's voice, making me jump out of my skin. Intrigued and stupid; I peered around the building, to find Owen, Denise Fox's ex and Lucas (her fiancé), in a full on fight. I watched on as the men throttled each other with my wide 'O' shaped mouth. They were killing each other over Denise I assumed. Lucas hoisted his fist into Owens stomach, as if he were trying to remove his internal organs. I gasped and my cover dissipated.

Both men turned their heads and evoked themselves away from the battle. My head was pleading me to run away, but I was too frightened, it was no use anyway, as if I could out-run them? Lucas, towering and muscular stormed over to me, and suddenly I didn't fear for Owens safety, but my own. "YOU DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING!" Lucas brawled, throwing me against the wall with his mighty hands. "If Denise finds out it will be the last thing you or Owen ever does!"

I desperately nodded my head.

"GET OFF HER!" Owen shouted furiously "THIS IS BETWEEN YOU AND ME!"

Lucas loosened his grip on my collar and took a step back "Leave Owen. Leave us alone!" He turned on his heel and dominantly strutted away. My breathing was shaky as I tried to absorb reacent events. Owen starred at me, panting from the fight. I let go of my crutches and slid my back down the wall, causing my broken leg to scream and curse at me in agony.

We remained in total solace as the shock ate away like a cannibal at our nerves. "I need to get out of here." I whispered, more to myself than Owen. He offered his un-bruised hand, which I took as he lifted me off the ground and stabilised me onto my crutches. "Do you want me to walk you home?" He kindly asked.

"I think it's better if we don't see each other, but thanks anyway." I toddled off to the more public areas of Albert Square, with my head bowed down to conceal the plastered look of anxiety and hopeless fear.

"Ronnie! Ronnie!" Roxy called, running towards me.

"Oh, hi." I replied back, not daring to look into her eyes.

The shock must have been more apparent than I had thought. She instinctively threw her arms around me tightly and softly kissed my hair. Tears streamed down my face, it was so good to know that I still had Roxy, my best friend.

"I love you Ronnie." She whispered gently in my ear.

"I love you too." I cried into her long brass blonde hair.

She insisted that I stayed over at the Vic for a few nights because I looked 'very unwell'. I didn't have the strength to argue with her so I shifted my weight onto her as we made our way over there.

***

_I sat uncomfortably in a dark wooden pew at the front of a grand church, idly tapping my toes which were covered by a pure white heeled shoe, contrastingly sprinkled with poppies of blood – my blood? Jack and Roxy stood in front of the overweight vicar, my mind perplexed – was it Dawn French? My eyes narrowed in hurt and confusion, watching as Jack's hand caressed Roxy's waist softly and the smile she gave him back caused my heart and stomach to twist and turn repulsively. I tried to get out of my seat and stop the catastrophe, but a heavy metal chain linked me prisoner and slave to Archie and Peggy._

"_You're not going anywhere Vee" Archie laughed reverbing off the ancient church walls, as if there was no other people in the world to divert and obscure the sound. _

"_Yeah, you're staying with mummy and daddy." Peggy added in a shrill tone, sending shivers to destroy the pangs of frustrating heat in my body._

_I screamed as loud as I could until my throat declared desertification, but everyone; all the guests were oblivious. I shouted for Jack and Roxy to stop: to stop killing me, but it was no use._

"_You may now kiss the bride!" The Vicar of Dibley announced, in her usual chirpy song of sound. _

_Jack slowly leaned in, his and Roxy's lips began to join as one, and they kissed intensively. The guests jumped up and clapped, cheering, throwing flowers, dancing, taking photos. I slipped out of my seat, pounding my head against the stone floor, with Archie and Peggy leaning in over me, abstracting all other visual relief._

"_Come on. Let's get some apple juice." Peggy ordered._

_Archie yanked on the chain, cutting and imprinting into my waist, dragging me across the aisle, scraping my elbows as I tried to hault. "But I don't like apple juice!"_

***

_Background noise _

_A guilty voice_

_Be exposed torturing vulture_

_Creature_

_Uninvited_

_Man slaughter._

"Ronnie? Ronnie, we know you don't like apple juice!" Peggy said, gently shaking my shoulder, with her forehead creased. My eyes fluttered away from the weirdness of the dream, and I found myself huddled up in a tight hedgehog ball on the lounge sofa in the upstairs tardis of the Vic. I slowly uncurled myself and looked up at Peggy and her miniscule momentum motherliness: Until she refused to look me in my eyes. Guilt? Distaste? Despair?

At least she kind-of cared.

"Jack's on the phone dear." She handed me the phone, releasing an immediate smile, illuminating my forever dark features in a wave of respite.

"Jack!" I breathed, "How are you? How is Penny? What've you been up to? Is it nice weather there? Is Selina giving you a hard time?"

"Ronnie" Jack laughed "Breathe. Penny's recovering; she's out of hospital now, so I'll be home soon. Anyway, how are you? Roxy says you're staying at the Vic for a few days...Something about you looking unwell...?"

"You've spoken to Roxy?" I asked, surprised.

"Yeah, she answered the phone and plus I wanted to check on Amy."

I twirled a lock of hair between my fingers, smoothing it over.

"Ronnie?" Jack asked after a few moments of awkward silence.

"Jack, Max _is_ your brother isn't he?"

"...Yes" Jack replied, sounding confused "Why would you ask that?"

Again, another silence dominated what was supposed to be a fun conversation.

"Tanya left Max and the kids a few days back." Jack started.

"Oh" I said, more shocked that Tanya's husband was Max. Still sadly, nothing clicked in my memory.

"I miss you Ron"

I smiled happily as a breeze of love was sent through the telephone. "I miss you too."

"Look out of the window."

I walked over to the window overlooking the nightly Square. "Check."

"See the moon?"

I did see the moon. Infact it was hard to miss as its reflecting components shone in the clear night sky. "I see it."

"So do I." Jack whispered.

We stayed silent as the moon and phone became our only connections to each other. I listened intently to the soothing sound of his breathing, and longed for him to be here in person, to wrap me up and protect me.

"You will be careful Ronnie? I worry about you..."

I sighed, deciding to go against Lucas's threat. Jack could take him on for sure. "There is something I need to tell you-"

"Hold on a sec" he said, distractedly. I heard him talk to Selina; they were discussing what to have for tea. "Sorry Ron, what were you saying?"

"...Well, don't be mad but-"

"Argh, sorry I've got to go, Selina needs a hand. Love you."

The phone line subsided to a dead, depressing tone. "Love you too."

_There's perpetually more truth to obtain _

_One day there will be no lies left _

_Perhaps the time will come _

_At the bridge of war? _

_Or the brink of death?_

**A/N: Hello everyone! Thank you so much for all of your extremely kind reviews, they really do help me and encourage me to write 3 ** **But most of all thanks for reading :)**

**I try to do something different in each chapter, even filler ones like this, but apologies for the amount of speech in this chapter – I got a little carried away :\**

**The poem bits I did write myself, it's probably very obvious anyways :)**

**Please, please R&R!!!!!!!!!!!**

**Lots of lovies Scarlett xxx**

**P.S; where are all the Ronnie/Jack/Danielle fans/stories? I miss them all :( Come back!!!!**


	16. Snakes and Ladders

**A/N: You might want to re-read the last part from the last chapter as it has been a while :)**

_Dominantly a quick step of hand thrashed against his stubble, prickling the bare, naked flesh like cactus thorns, signifying miniscule pockets of blood to protrude. Whose blood? Lucas's blood. The sound of his painful cry's lifted my heart to a high, where it seeked joy and accomplishment. I had won because no one pushes me around. Whilst he scrunched his body, trying to release the agony my God given hands and feet had created, the other one lay next to him, incapable, puny and weak – like a little lamb. Fresh meat: Another victim. Male of course. My mouth wrenched over his fingers, trapping them in a tight lock, crushing and breaking them. I dared not swallow in his ghastly testifying taste. My sharp pearly white's penetrated deeper into his wrinkled skin, until his sick knee thumped into my stomach. Oh how careless of him. I took out my gun from the hidden insides of a long, mysterious 'spy like' jacket I wore. It was all too easy just to pull the trigger on him. I've done it before in this dream, and doubtless I'll do it again, so what is a little torture, even if I do awake before the best bit..._

***

"You look tiered these days." Max told me, insightfully as I blew the steam emitting from my slender coffee, rippling the mocha surface.

"Yeah?" I replied. No answer suited, so after I moment's worth of silence, I proceeded "So any news from Tanya?"

Max shifted uncomfortably in his purple seat, in the inners of Kathy's Cafe. His spindly fingertips caressed his balding head before perplexing his non-existent nails into his scalp, whilst the other set picked up his mug. "Nope. Good riddance I say."

"At least you still have the kids." I added, hoping to make this stranger feel slightly better than I. He nodded in agreement and we both carried on drinking our beverages. The familiar click of heel replayed in my head. I heard it before I saw it, and when I saw it, boy did my heart bunk to the bed. Lucas strolled in innocently, arm in arm with his fiancée, mask intact. Our eyes held a note and played into one another's; his reminding me of the looming threat and mine spilling nothing but ice. Seeing no lenience his smile dropped and with that he escorted Denise out of the cafe. I knew this wasn't over yet. It was only the beginning.

"Were we friends, before...you know?" I asked Max, willing for my mind to free the blackest of blackmails.

He drummed his fingers on the table, contemplating. "Yeah, I guess you could say that...Infact, why don't you join me for dinner later – I can tell you everything and anything you want to know."

A smile automatically breezed over my face. I knew I shouldn't feel like this (and it was only a friend dinner date) but I hadn't had a caring male presence for some time now. Maybe it was the perfect point in time to loosen the reins? "Sure."

His eyes followed and swallowed my every move as we drank up and said our for now farewells.

***

You can capture everything circulating around Albert Square from behind the bar in the friendly fires of the Vic. Happiness, sadness, bitterness. Love is my favourite.

"Hey sis!" I mocked to a harassed platinum blonde woman bulging with shopping bags which I could have sworn she returned home with the previous day.

"_Urgh_. Stop trying to make it happen!" Samantha Mitchell snapped back behind her cheap tarty lipstick.

"You know the more you and Peg deny it, the more inclined I am to tell everyone." I cheerfully threatened. _Think like the enemy_. She trudged passed me and flumped up the stairs, passing Roxy who was travelling in the opposite direction, towards me.

"Ron" she spoke quietly to me as she held the phone to her chest, obscuring the microphone part. "You can't keep avoiding Jack's calls! He is on the phone, right now."

My eyes shifted wearily around the room, desperately searching for the most believable excuse. It wasn't that I didn't love him, or care for him, but long distance really wasn't my forte. And who could blame me of a little seeping suspicion when the likes of Selina slinked around in her French lingerie, gagging for it. And also, why did he and Roxy share two hour long conversations?

Resigning, I held my hand out for Roxy to place the phone in. She eagerly watched me with eagle eyes as the device became pressed to my ear. I hopped along to the stairs, where I perched before beginning the dreaded conversation.

"Hello?" I almost whispered, hoping that he wouldn't hear me.

"Ron! We've not spoken in days! How are you? Roxy says you've been a bit shaken up recently."

I clicked my tongue and replied "Well if Roxy says it, it _must _be true."

After the storm, my heart slightly melted at his soft, sweet sigh until his irritated voice kicked in "Ron, don't be like that. Whatever is going on, I want to help you because I care, regardless of whether I am here or not!"

"But that's part of the problem Jack! You're not here!" I shouted back. "Where are you when I need you to hold me so that I can _try_ and forget about my disastrous life? Where are you when my dreams turn into nightmares? Or when I am threatened? Jack, where are you when I need you most?"

"I need you too Ronnie! To comfort me, even if it is on the phone, before I close my eyes each night; I need you to tell me you love me and-"

"Jack, I've got to go." I declined the call and hid the phone within the depths of a crisp box. Wiping back the tears, I limped towards Fargo's where my date awaited.

***

"So how do I know you're going to tell me the truth, the full truth, and nothing but the truth?" I asked, brimming the edge of my wine glass with a small mean of index, seductively.

"Well, first of all, it's not a trial and secondly you'll just have to have a bit of faith in me. But I guess I'm just hoping for you to recollect all of your memories of me. They seem wasted." Max smiled at me. In that instant he mirrored his brother, but it was the eyes that drew the familiarity. I felt I was gazing into the eyes of the man I loved.

The evening flew past too quickly for my liking. I could've listened to his stories of how our friendly relationship was special for eternity. At the same time it was harsh for me to hear all those lost moments of which I could only now imagine.

"This doesn't feel real" I breathed, followed by Max gulping. "Things like this only happen in fairytales."

Max stroked my hand which was delicately placed on the table. The touch of his smooth skin made my heart tremble and quiver. "We should do this again sometime, I'll tell you even more."

***

The night air was crisp and too cold for late winter. Nonetheless I wrapped my coat tighter around my body and pulled on my woolly gloves for extra warmth. The echo of my crutches bounced off the buildings, with nothing else in the atmosphere to divert it. Karaoke night always attracted all the locals to the Vic, thus emptying the streets. I unhinged the lock, permitting my access to R&R, mine and Jack's nightclub. I barely stepped in when I heard a scurrying twanging oozing from behind. I sensed an aeration of auspicious danger.

An unsteady patter of breathing rained in the crease of my frozen neck uncovered by my scarf. Before I could scream for help, his filthy hands clapped against my mouth, restricting my breathing. Squeaks were just about audible and the more I struggled, the more impairment came my way.

My mind became numb and all I could feel was pain and despair. Pangs belted my head as I was thrown down the stairs like a piece of rubbish. Every bone in my body raged at me to give up and let the vandal continue. My head however told me to fight back and be the strong woman I had always aspired to be. I took a few desperate whacks at his legs, but it was no use. Everything was becoming a hazy...painful...distant...blur.

***

I refused to wake up, even to the hefty shaking of my body and the man's voice saying my name. My heart fluttered; was it Jack? Was he back in the square? I allowed a smile to cover my face and finally decided to open my eyes. It was sheer agony though. I didn't need a mirror; I _knew _my eyes were bruised purple and blue. A lighter, less violent blur was just about visible. Before I knew it I was in someone's warm, comforting arms, being carried and saved out of the mess. I said nothing and drifted slowly back into a sleep...

***

I checked the flat to see if Ronnie was in there, but it was empty and abandoned. Was I excited to see her? Maybe. The curtains of the Vic were still drawn, so I slummed onto Arthur's wooden bench. I needed to pre-prepare what I was to say to her and the words needed to be precisely picked so that she wouldn't start shouting and screaming. What was our relationship at the minute? Cold, distant, fading, aging, pre-extinct? I wasn't going to give up that easily on her.

I had had three hours of sleep at the most on the train up here. Most of the journey was spent pondering about my recent actions and the forth coming events. And Amy. I missed her lots too. I tell myself that life is based upon lies just as much as truth. It's mine and her's little secret. I could feel my eyelids drooping...drooping...

Max was running across the square with a woman in his arms. It wasn't Tanya, it was Ronnie. Even from here her skin bore bruised flesh and rivers of blood.

"Oi! MAX!" I shouted as loud as my voice could muster, but it was no use, he carried on racing over to the Vic, pelting his fist on the door.

Finally I caught up to them as they were entering the building. Peggy gasped in her nightwear as she looked at her daughter. Phil helped Max lay her down on the floor whilst Roxy propped her head up with pillows.

"What's going on?" I asked, feeling very dizzy.

"Found her in R&R like this." Max replied breathlessly.

"What were you doing there at this time?" I questioned, feeling that this was all too convenient.

"Well it's a good job he was otherwise...who knows?" Archie cut in, helping his wife clean up Ronnie's bloody face.

"No!" I shouted, pushing myself onto the floor "I'll do that!"

I took the ice and tissue and gently began to slide them across her skin. She flinched at the coldness, her bottom lip quivered. "Sshhh" I whispered into her ear.

***

We went back to the flat after I was given the all clear at A&E. Just me and Jack alone. He thought I had fallen asleep on the sofa and so he went to sleep in our bed. I hated this; being torn between different things, men, promises, threats. I wanted to tell Jack about everything – Lucas, Max. But I knew him. I knew he would _kill_ Lucas and beat up Max.

Was I in any doubt who did this to me, who punched and threw me?

No. I knew full well it was Lucas. He wants me dead so that his repulsive lies can stay secret.

One part of me is convinced that Owen hasn't moved away from Walford. I can see blood in Lucas's eyes, on his hands, everywhere he is. The sign of death lingers and creeps up behind him, stalks him attempting to tear him down. I know this because I have the same feeling about myself. How my fingers almost pulled back the piece of metal in the gun, how they desired to, how my mind coaxed and tortured me...

Maybe I could have prevented Owen's death?

If I let him die, is that the same as killing him?

**Hope all of you are still interested in this lol.**

**I definitely do know where this fic is going, and after this plot I will be ending it. So a few more chapters perhaps? **

**It's just that I LOVE writing, but I like to try different things, not just continue with the same story if you get me.**

**So, who attacked Ronnie? What has Jack been up to? Will Peggy and Ronnie become closer as mother and daughter? And will Ronnie and Jack's relationship get better or take a turn for the worst?**

**Oh yeah and Max seems to be playing a dodgy part...Can anyone link anything together yet...?**

**Reviews muchly appreciated**

**Hope you all have a good New Year **

**Love Scarlett x **


	17. Cheating Through Acidity

**A/N: Ok, it has been a very long time since I updated this so I'll give you a little recap.**

**Ronnie is hospitalised after her crazy moment with her family. She finds out Peggy is her real mum and is distraught by their secrecy and the feeling of rejection. Sam takes things for the worst and is out to get her. Jack is called out to France to look after his daughter after an accident. Meanwhile Ronnie returns home only to be reacquainted with Max, whom she had forgotten about. Walking down a back alley, Ronnie spies Lucas threatening Owen with death and is soon seen by them, amounting to a threat being held over her. On the eve of Jack's homecoming Ronnie is attacked at the club and is found by Max. After a session at A&E Jack and Ronnie return home. They haven't been alone since Christmas Eve, before all the drama started.**

Since when did I become this?

This catastrophe of unnumbered pages, blowing in the gale force winds, falling free without any guidance. Like a solo leaf plucked and unhinged at the peak of Autumn, leaving everyone else behind, following my own direction, but where to and why? Why has it turned out this way? Is it fate, or just my misjudgements, selfishness and arrogance?

Just hours ago I had been attacked by the 'avenging' Christian, Lucas Johnson. Weeks ago I was in hospital. And the scariest, craziest one; just a month ago I cruelly had the ones I love at vicious, psychotic gunpoint. Looking back now I feel disgusted, I feel as if I am getting my deserved comeuppance. The attack should've shaken me up, but how far can one person be traumatised? Numb is what I am now. And lifeless, again. Like the promise ring Jack had bought me for Christmas, my life was just repeating itself in a never ending circle. It's always been this way and it'll never, ever change.

"Ron, what are you doing in here?" Jack warily asked, his silhouette becoming more apparent as he stepped into the lounge.

I sat by the window, starring out through the mockery of a gap between carelessly drawn curtains, embracing my knees, holding them so close. I didn't turn to look up at him; his face I knew would still consummate the same concern, angst and worry as before.

"What's going on?" He spoke again, in the same tone. He came and sat down on the wooden floor next to me, even though I wasn't looking, I could hear his breath like a wash of ocean and feel his bare arm brush past mine. "What have I done wrong?" He persisted, each question like a hammer to a nail. When I could bear it no longer, I faced him. So much had happened since we had last been alone on that Christmas Eve night. It had felt like a million years had slipped away. A million years to grow apart from someone.

"No Jack. It's not you." I finally managed to croak. "It's just..." I carried on, trailing off at the end wondering how I could possibly confide in him.

Noticing my hesitance Jack softly swept his warms hand down my back, sending shivers down my spine. It had been so long. "Ron?" He asked, moving his face so that it was centimetres apart from mine. I could smell the minty toothpaste and feel small prickles from his unshaven cheek. I was strangely comforted by this, his closeness. We might've been apart but it would take a lot longer for us to separate because everything _bends_ between us, not destroys. "Can I hold you for a bit?" He resumed, his voice slowly but surely breaking my heart at the silent cry he was ambushing me with. I instantly buried my head into his shoulders as his arms cocooned around me in hope that when morning came, I would be happy again.

***

"Peggy?" I called out, searching the upper floor of the Vic for my mum.

"In here!" she replied back, my ears following her echo, which almost but not quite drowned out the thudding of my heart. I was very grateful that no one else was around. Peggy sat formally on the sofa with the coffee table pulled up towards her knees and a wad of paperwork spread out in an organised mess. "You alright?" she asked me, a natural concern elaborating her eyes.

"Fine" I answered shortly.

I knew that there were two people I could tell. One was Max, but like Jack I feared that he would act irrationally upon it. The other was Peggy, my mum, someone who knew how important secrets were, for I was one of them.

"I need to tell you something." I continued, placing my bag on the floor and taking the seat next to her. She didn't say anything, but the nod of her head was enough to tell me to carry on. "I know who attacked me. And I know why."

Peggy's mouth opened a little, still not being able to speak a sound. My eyes didn't focus away from hers; they were still waiting for a reaction. "You cannot tell _anyone _about this." I sternly demanded, it was important she knew the level of seriousness I was at.

"Mum, you would not believe how busy it is in London!" Sam shouted. I could hear her heels thump across the landing, and before I knew it she was opening the door and giving me an ugly look.

"Ronnie was just leaving" Peggy finally spoke, flustered, as if someone had almost walked in on another dirty little secret of hers.

"But Peggy!" I exclaimed, feeling pushed aside, very much fitting the newly acclaimed role of the middle child.

***

_"Ronnie, There's something I need to tell you."_

"Sshhh, its ok Ron." Max whispered in my ear as we shared an embrace full of sorrow and friendship. It was comforting but it didn't feel right. It was like an oval shaped wheel, it could still move, but it wasn't circular.

_"Whilst you were – sick-, I slept with Sam."_

"How could he do this to me Max?" I cried out, sinking to the floor due to my heart weighing me down. All the remaining light had gone from the world.

_"I'm so, so sorry Ronnie!" Jack cried. "I was stupid and drunk, and I thought I would never see you again!"_

_My hand automatically collided with his cheek, leaving a red mark. My fingers curled round as if they were trying to squeeze out all the anger. I began throwing punches at him, but there was no use, he didn't fight back._

"Drink this; it'll make you feel better." Max handed me the glass and the cool liquid slithered down my throat.

_After an hour of pleading and crying Jack knelt on the floor, on his hands and knees begging. "You're not Jack." I squeaked "You're not the same person to me." Tears slid down my face but I knew I had to get out._

Tears still crept down my face; I knew I had to wake up. Everything really was pitch black. No surroundings, no Max. Maybe I had been here all my supposed 'life'. Maybe I was waking up from one traumatic dream. Maybe I wasn't even human. Suddenly the only one who seemed important was Jack but I couldn't move.

***

"Sorry. It's what he's ordered."

***Sorry it's been so long! I've missed writing :(**

** FYI I am aware that this isn't exactly realistic, but it's a fiction, not a script for the actual show.**

**Forgive me, my writing skills are very rusty, I've had TONS of school work to do, been staying behind at school for 2 hours each night for art! Plus I've had additional science exams etc.**

**I know a lot of you will be angry at me for having Jack cheat on Sam, but I might do a flashback or something showing how manipulative she was, hopefully putting him in a slightly better light.**

**We're getting into the final chapters now, so I hope you all still like this and stick with it till the end!**

**Well it's been a month but I've tried my best :) **

**Thank you for all of your reviews, even the critical ones, they really help me.**

**Love Scarlett x**


	18. Fade Into You Strange You Never Knew

**In the previous chapter Ronnie found out Jack had cheated on her with Sam (which he doesn't remember). Max let Ronnie cry on his shoulder but soon after gave her a drink which sent her to sleep...**

Max's facade of beastliness transpired through his eyes, scattering around the room in absolute fear someone would walk in. He was committing something much more than insurance fraud. He finally exhaled and the venom from his eyes seeped out leaving a torn, demented man, whose only intentions had been to reunite his family. It was all he had ever desired; a loving, normal family which he had been so deprived of from his childhood years. He had always been deemed the cowardly sly one, and next to his brother Jack, the golden boy who could do no wrong, he was dirt.

He looked down at his hands which were craftily concealed by gloves of a happy yellow nature. The colour made him feel queasy – the only colours he could bear to look at now were dark and unforgiving, but by hell did he deserve it. The crackling of the fire place tormented his sensitive ears – it was now associated and tainted by the sound of death. The sound of her voice moaning and fading as the poison contaminated her pure blood.

Max slowly turned around to look at his sinful duty. She was sat back in a comfy chair; blanket tucked around her for what Max had considered a cosy way of going. The hollows of her cheeks painted a perfect dark sky to accommodate the lightning bolt hair which struck down her back and down her face. Her hand still mimicked the holding of a glass, whilst the glass was shattered on the floor beside her, the acidity of the clear liquid corroding the carpet. Tears still rained down the snow white skin, signalling to Max that she wasn't quite dead yet. He crouched down beside her, his heart racing in horror. "If you could've done anything to save Danielle, you would have done. Right?" He croaked, his hand gripping her shoulder, shaking it violently to get an answer. "Right?!" he shouted through the sobs and pain.

Her head tilted to the side and the orange glow from the street lamp outside sliced through the curtains, revealing a light which was only too devastating to witness. She reminded him of Tanya, sleeping innocently. A heavy scream became like sick out of his mouth, trying to get rid of all the pain. He clutched onto Ronnie, trying to wake her up, rattling her body ferociously. If she died, how could he live with it? How could he face looking at his wife again when all he would see is Ronnie's mangled body and how she had come to him like a little lamb ready for the slaughter house.

Max's phone vigorously vibrated in his back pocket, setting his brother's love free for now. With nervous hands he took his phone and slid the screen upwards to light up the screen. The brightness of the light made him squint, but the words in the text were much more dooming. '_Have you done it yet? Meet me down the backstreet as soon as it's over. Lucas._' Max carefully scanned the words a few times as his head was a little dizzy. It was from his master Lucas Johnson, the man who had blackmailed him into doing his dirty work for merciless money to help bring back Tanya and his children. Max's eyes raced in a limbo between Ronnie and his mobile as realisation crept in simultaneous whispers to Ronnie's death.

'Family, Tanya, Lauren, Abi, Oscar...' He determinedly thought to himself to ease the controversy of what his actions were to equate. His knees buckled under pressure as he walked towards the window, checking it was sealed shut. Next he drew the curtains and closed the door which accessed the kitchen, covering the gap between the wood and floor with towels. When he reached Ronnie once more he placed a kiss on top of her head and whispered "it's the only way Ron. I-I can't turn back now, this is for my family." He carried on his travels and opened the door leading to the hallway. The air was cleaner in this room – wasn't polluted with eeriness. He shut the door silently, as if she was just in a sleep and could wake up at any moment. But Max was just kidding himself. Repeating his previous actions, he lay some more towels down. In less than twelve hours she would be dead. The poison from the drink would have killed her nerves and with that the carbon dioxide in the air would suffocate her, but not painfully. She would die like a mouse in her dreams.

Disposing the rubber gloves, Max straightened himself up. Looking into the mirror he was surprised by the normality of his appearance. He opened the front door and stepped out into the gullible fresh night air, which greeted him with seething pleasure. He almost ran down the steps and turned right at the gate where he was to be acquainted with Lucas. "Dad!" Called out a melody of happiness from his youngest daughter.

"Abi, what are you doing here?" He questioned the hopeful little girl. Her eyes were like daggers penetrating his evilness, or rather his war with evilness. He was so glad all his children had the mannerisms of his wife. "I'm fed up of mum, dad! I want to come back to you. Please?" She begged, her eyes widening, enticing him to be persuaded. "Err" Max stumbled, his mind triggering a thousand excuses and detours at once, after all, he was a pro at this now. "Well you see Abs, Ronnie and Uncle Jack have gotten into a bit of a mess and Ron needed looking after. She wants to be alone right now, so I left her at ours." He continued, his heart breaking as Abi looked down at the floor, completely believing his lies.

"So-so what do I do now dad? I'm not going back." She stated, longing for her dad to whisk her away to paradise forever. Max searched the square for a neighbour. "Oi! Roxy!" He bellowed out with his entire mite. Roxy glanced around and saw Max and Abi. Pushing her restless Amy, she strolled over. "What Max?" She demanded, clearly sleep deprived. "Can you look after Abi for tonight? Please?" He practically begged.

Roxy looked down at the girl with golden hair and saw a reflection of herself. Both daddies' girls. "Of course I will. C'mon Abi." She smiled. Max kissed Abi goodnight and watched her hold onto the pram, walking off into the night.

Once they were out of sight, he continued his mission. The back alley was a mysterious, desolate place. Extremely dangerous to be alone in, especially with a murderer. Lucas had his back casually leaned against a stone wall. He wore a long black coat which concealed the gun he kept with him and made him look the part.

"Well?" The avenging Christian commanded to his disciple.

"Done." Max shakily spoke as Abi's face crowded his mind followed by Ronnie and her still body in his house.

Lucas could see the uncertainty in the ginger's glassy eyes. Regret was taking over. He remembered how Owen's eyes saw like an x-ray into his own crooked mind. Owen left him no choice but murder when he threatened to tell Denise about Trina_. But Owen was a bad man_ he hypnotised.

It was just after Lucas had blackmailed Owen and Ronnie when Max had come to him for help. Lucas had paid Max money in return for doing dirty jobs here and there. At the time Max had thought this would bring Tanya back, but then things got complicated when he was ordered to befriend Ronnie, only to kill her in the end.

"You thinking of tellin' someone ain't ya Max?" Lucas asked coolly, his breath visible in the atmosphere. Max said nothing incase he himself became a murder victim.

"When someone finds her, it'll look like suicide." Max told Lucas, conveniently changing the subject.

"You realise that if you tell anyone, you'll be next?" Lucas slithered closer to him, making a wicked face.

"When's it gonna end Lucas? I'm gonna be under your threat till the day I die."

"Yes, but it's all for your family remember? For Denise, I had to sacrifice Trina. For Tanya you had to sacrifice Jack."

Max looked at Lucas confused. "What?"

"Yeah. Without Ronnie Jack is a complete mess." Lucas sniped.

"Abi's back." Max stated, finally realising that money would not bring Tanya home. "Oh God" He shook "W-what have I done?!" He began running. With a sharp grip of hand Lucas made him stop.

"Think Max. You have Abi and that's the most you will ever get. You go back now and I tell everyone you tried to murder her. Abi will go and everyone will disappear. Or you can keep this hush, let your brother grieve and Abi will be yours forever. Aswell as a sweet couple of hundred grand." Lucas handed Max a fat sum of cash. "Good boy. See you at Ronnie's funeral."

_Money doesn't solve everything. _Max sinfully thought.

***

Jack paced around his flat, constantly trying to get hold of Ronnie. A wrenching feeling in his stomach was telling him that something bad was happening to her. He assumed that it was just the guilt swelling. He hadn't meant to hurt her again – he didn't even remember anything until he woke up in Sam's bed the next morning.

He remembered the night before, how he had held Ronnie in his arms, just like old times but whenever good memories replayed, bad ones followed. Like how he had left her to wake up alone on Christmas morning. How he left her for two weeks just after she had come back from hospital.

He knew that Ronnie would come back to the flat to pick up her clothes sometime, so he sat at the kitchen table and began putting pen to paper.

_Dear Ronnie,_

_I don't blame you for walking out. I don't and I will never blame you. I love you so much and because of that I need to set you free, to find a new man who will never hurt you or cause you any harm. No one will love you as much as I do but you deserve better. You can contact me whenever you want, night or day and I will come back if you ask me. I hope you finally find peace and love with your dad and I hope that Peggy realises what a wonderful daughter she has. _

_I will never forget you._

_Jack xxxxxxxx_

Jack sealed the envelope and wiped away the tears in his eyes. He packed only his clothes and one of Ronnie's jumpers. He looked back sadly; it was the end of an era.

***

"I can't explain it Archie" Peggy whispered to Archie as they lay down in bed "I have this feeling something's happened to Ronnie."

Archie rolled over to face his wife whose features were contorted with worry. He brought his hand to her face and stroked it gently. "I saw her before. She was hysterical. I was about to go over to her but she went into Max's house." He informed her.

"Can we check on her Archie?"

Archie sighed as he got out of bed. Peggy smiled gratefully across to him as she began to get dressed. As they neared the ginger man's house, they could see the living room light transpire from the curtains. Archie took his wife's hand and lead her up the steps before banging his fist on the door. "Ronnie?!" He shouted.

After several minutes Archie began breaking the door down. "Oh be careful Archie" Peggy insisted, worried for his health. Eventually the hinges weakened and the pane of wood thrashed against the floor, permitting their access.

As they walked into the house no sign of life was felt. Archie glanced down at the towels bulged up at the door and pointed at them. "I don't like this Archie. Not one bit."

Meanwhile Jack locked the front door, giving his home and street one last glance. He looked over to his brother's house and wondered if he should say goodbye. Looking closer, he saw the door had been knocked down, maybe it was a burglar. Jack began running, dragging his suitcases behind him, leaving them at the foot of the steps as he raced up.

"Archie? Peggy?" He questioned sounding exasperated. Jack followed the grey man's slim eyes towards the towels. Something eerie had fogged the place. Jack bent down slowly and threw the fabric onto the stairs. "Peggy you stay here." Jack demeaned, wary of what was on the other side.

Archie followed Jack into the room. The air was thick, but both men could see Ronnie and her lifeless body neatly positioned on the chair.

"RONNIE!" Jack screamed in devastation.

Peggy heard the commotion and stepped into the room, mimicking Jack's scream to form her own. Only Archie was silent, all the words had been dissipated from his evil memory. Suddenly all the bad things he had done to her made him feel sorrow and regret.

**A/N: Duff duff duff duff duff duff duff!**

**So Max was in on Lucas's blackmail all along. He can be a bit of a devious man when it comes to reuniting his family.**

**Will Ronnie survive? Will Max and Lucas be found out? Will Jack leave Ronnie's side? And can Peggy finally accept her daughter?**

**The next chapter will be the last :(**

**I hope this chapter didn't drag too much. I had a lot of info to fit into this one.**

**Thank you so much for sticking with this guys I am really grateful. All of your reviews are excellent, makes writing worthwhile!**

**Please review, much love, Scarlett x**

**P.s. I was watching the Hunch Back of Notre Dame whilst writing this. Such a good film!**


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